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Wife from hell (Read 500 times)
Jun 24th, 2010 at 4:35am

Romulus111VADT   Offline
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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,

'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man
glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,

'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.

That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 

'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

               (I love this part) 


'Only when he's been drinking.!!'

 

"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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Reply #1 - Jun 24th, 2010 at 5:27am

ShaneG   Offline
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Grin Grin

Can you say, 'divorce'?  Smiley
 
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Reply #2 - Jun 24th, 2010 at 5:52am

JakesF14   Offline
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Jay!!! Sounds like Bree from Desperate Housewifes (no I am not watching it, my wife does - and I am sitting in the TV room working on my pc, so I catch the story so now and then)
 

...
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Reply #3 - Jun 24th, 2010 at 6:23am

Fozzer   Offline
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That's the sort of thing that comes free, with every Wife, Girlfriend, Female....

...trust me... Wink...!

Paul... Grin... Grin...!

...don't you just love their endless, high-pitched, musical, patronising, never-ending, chatter?... Angry...!
 

Dell Dimension 5000 BTX Tower. Win7 Home Edition, 32 Bit. Intel Pentium 4, dual 2.8 GHz. 2.5GB RAM, nVidia GF 9500GT 1GB. SATA 500GB + 80GB. Philips 17" LCD Monitor. Micronet ADSL Modem only. Saitek Cyborg Evo Force. FS 2004 + FSX. Briggs and Stratton Petrol Lawn Mower...Motor Bikes. Gas Cooker... and lots of musical instruments!.... ...!
Yamaha MO6,MM6,DX7,DX11,DX21,DX100,MK100,EMT10,PSR400,PSS780,Roland GW-8L v2,TR505,Casio MT-205,Korg CX3v2 dual manual,+ Leslie 760,M-Audio Prokeys88,KeyRig,Cubase,Keyfax4,Guitars,Orchestral,Baroque,Renaissance,Medieval Instruments.
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Reply #4 - Jun 24th, 2010 at 6:21pm

TacitBlue   Offline
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JakesF14 wrote on Jun 24th, 2010 at 5:52am:
(no I am not watching it, my wife does - and I am sitting in the TV room working on my pc, so I catch the story so now and then)


Riiiiight... Wink
 

...
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Aircraft are naturally beautiful because form follows function. -TB
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Reply #5 - Jun 24th, 2010 at 7:25pm

Fozzer   Offline
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TacitBlue wrote on Jun 24th, 2010 at 6:21pm:
JakesF14 wrote on Jun 24th, 2010 at 5:52am:
(no I am not watching it, my wife does - and I am sitting in the TV room working on my pc, so I catch the story so now and then)


Riiiiight... Wink


The thought of being in the same room/house/country as someone avidly watching "Desperate Housewives" on the television, fills me with dread!

Paul..... Shocked... Wink... Grin...!
 

Dell Dimension 5000 BTX Tower. Win7 Home Edition, 32 Bit. Intel Pentium 4, dual 2.8 GHz. 2.5GB RAM, nVidia GF 9500GT 1GB. SATA 500GB + 80GB. Philips 17" LCD Monitor. Micronet ADSL Modem only. Saitek Cyborg Evo Force. FS 2004 + FSX. Briggs and Stratton Petrol Lawn Mower...Motor Bikes. Gas Cooker... and lots of musical instruments!.... ...!
Yamaha MO6,MM6,DX7,DX11,DX21,DX100,MK100,EMT10,PSR400,PSS780,Roland GW-8L v2,TR505,Casio MT-205,Korg CX3v2 dual manual,+ Leslie 760,M-Audio Prokeys88,KeyRig,Cubase,Keyfax4,Guitars,Orchestral,Baroque,Renaissance,Medieval Instruments.
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Reply #6 - Jun 24th, 2010 at 7:41pm

a1   Offline
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Grin Grin Grin Grin
 

...
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Reply #7 - Jun 25th, 2010 at 5:20am

JakesF14   Offline
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Blistering Barnacles!
South Africa

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Fozzer wrote on Jun 24th, 2010 at 7:25pm:
TacitBlue wrote on Jun 24th, 2010 at 6:21pm:
JakesF14 wrote on Jun 24th, 2010 at 5:52am:
(no I am not watching it, my wife does - and I am sitting in the TV room working on my pc, so I catch the story so now and then)


Riiiiight... Wink


The thought of being in the same room/house/country as someone avidly watching "Desperate Housewives" on the television, fills me with dread!

Paul..... Shocked... Wink... Grin...!


Paul, I normally work on my model - then I dont even hear my wife yell at me...... so I switch off ALMOST completely!
 

...
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Reply #8 - Jun 26th, 2010 at 12:27pm

ozzy72   Offline
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Pretty scary huh?
Madsville

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Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
 

...
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