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When you know you're going to fail... (Read 286 times)
May 7th, 2004 at 7:57pm

Wing Nut   Offline
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Here's what to do when you know you're going to fail that next test in school...

Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.


Bring cheerleaders.
 
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
 
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
 
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
 
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
 
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
 
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
 
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
 
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
 
Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
 
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
 
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
 
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
 
Bring pets.
 
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
 
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
 
Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
 
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
 
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
 
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
 
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
 

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Reply #1 - May 7th, 2004 at 8:29pm

Iroquois   Offline
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Happy Halloween
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lol.  Smiley

Wish I had known these earlier. It was my big calculus exam today and I'm mentally exhausted.  Tongue
 

I only pretend to know what I'm talking about. Heck, that's what lawyers, car mechanics, and IT professionals do everyday. Wink&&The Rig: &&AMD Athlon XP2000+ Palomino, ECS K7S5A 3.1, 1GB PC2700 DDR, Geforce FX5200 128mb, SB Live Platinum, 16xDVD, 16x10x40x CDRW, 40/60gb 7200rpm HDD, 325w Power, Windows XP Home SP1, Directx 9.0c with 66.81 Beta gfx drivers
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Reply #2 - May 7th, 2004 at 9:07pm

Stormtropper   Ex Member
Blueballed...!

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My friend sent me those before, very funny still.

I did the eating test, black marker, and the game boy before, suprisingly I got an A on the game boy one. (Failed with the black marker and eating, but that was back in 4th and 5th grade)
 
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Reply #3 - May 8th, 2004 at 3:24am

ozzy72   Offline
Global Moderator
Pretty scary huh?
Madsville

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Kevin I think we need to have a little chat Tongue Grin
 

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Reply #4 - May 8th, 2004 at 9:05am

Jared   Offline
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I'd rather be flying...
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lol, I'm just getting started with my last one...Smiley
 
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Reply #5 - May 8th, 2004 at 12:36pm

Tequila Sunrise   Offline
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Nunquam non paratus
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well I've got 4 left, and I know that I'm screwed for one of 'em so...  Grin
I've done the foriegn language one already, a physics assesment last year that turned into a practise attemp for a spanish assesment  Grin
 

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Reply #6 - May 8th, 2004 at 11:31pm

Jared   Offline
Colonel
I'd rather be flying...
Uniontown, Ohio

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lol, I was lucky and knew everything on this last final, ptretty much all basic stuff that if you went to class you would know...
 
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Reply #7 - May 9th, 2004 at 9:03pm

raz   Offline
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Evansville WI

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My finals are next week.  Thanks for the tips.  Now I won't have to waste my time studying.
 
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Reply #8 - May 13th, 2004 at 3:03pm

EirePlane   Offline
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London, UK

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why didn't i know these before! I had my year 9 SATS exams last week! now im just too tired to care
 
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Reply #9 - May 13th, 2004 at 3:39pm

chomp_rock   Offline
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I must confess, I was
born at a very early
age.

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LOL! I never ate a test but I did eat a napkin once just to get a reaction from my wife Grin
 

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