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Poll Poll
Question: On a scale of 1 to 5 how would you rate my poem?

1 (poor)    
  1 (6.2%)
2    
  0 (0.0%)
3    
  6 (37.5%)
4    
  6 (37.5%)
5 (exeptional)    
  3 (18.8%)




Total votes: 16
« Created by: Squeek on: Apr 25th, 2003 at 7:02pm »

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How do you like it? (Read 1481 times)
Apr 25th, 2003 at 7:02pm

Squeek   Offline
Colonel
Legacy the poor mans Learjet
United States of America

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Well here is my poem. Let me know how you like it. Also, If it isnt to much trouble can you post why you voted how you did.

Flying Peace
By Brian *******

Cross into the blue

Fly high as a cloud
Up there alone
Only with your machine
Maybe someone
On your wing
But you never give that a thought

Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free

All until you hear that ring
When you look behind
And there you see
Not a friend
But a foe

All that training
Then kicks in
Peace all of a sudden
Disappears

Then just a quickly as it left
The peace returns
Just after you had
The time of your life
Fighting for it


Ozzy let me know if it compairs to real or not? I gave myself a 4 with it because I think it could use some work but otherwise it is pretty good.
« Last Edit: Apr 25th, 2003 at 8:09pm by Squeek »  
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Reply #1 - Apr 25th, 2003 at 11:17pm

BFMF   Offline
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Nice poem. Wink
 
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Reply #2 - Apr 26th, 2003 at 12:04am
Splash   Ex Member

 
GrinHey that is very, very nice!!!!  You have talent and I really like the way you ended it with the last two lines.  With feeling!!!! Smiley Smiley Smiley
Splash
 
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Reply #3 - Apr 26th, 2003 at 12:21am

Deputy   Offline
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Quote:
Nice poem. Wink



Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"

Uh oh. . . .
 
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when I come for you?&&&&Iustita Omnibus&&Justice for All&&&&Women are: attractive, single, mentally stable. Pick two.&&... &&Yes, we drive on the right-hand-side of the road. Yes, I parked on the left-hand-side of the road. Yes, I blocked traffic for a picture. &&&&&&
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Reply #4 - Apr 26th, 2003 at 12:41am

BFMF   Offline
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Quote:
Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"

Uh oh. . . .


I didn't think about that Roll Eyes
 
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Reply #5 - Apr 26th, 2003 at 6:28am

Woodlouse2002   Offline
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Never mind! Its still N.P.! Grin

good poem too...
 
Woodlouse2002 PITA and BAR!!!!!!!!&&&&Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the Act made in the first year of King George the First for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the King.&&&&Viva la revolution!
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Reply #6 - Apr 26th, 2003 at 7:44am

ozzy72   Offline
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Brian, I've never been in aerial combat, but I liked the poem, not quite haiku or stanza I don't know what I would classify it as, but v.nice nevertheless.

Ozzy Wink
 
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Reply #7 - Apr 26th, 2003 at 10:11am

Squeek   Offline
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I think it would be classifed as a free write.
Each of the little groups (Ex.Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free)
Is a stanza if i remember correctly. Feel free to correct me if I wrong wiht any of this stuff. And thanks for the comments everyone.
 
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Reply #8 - Apr 27th, 2003 at 10:48am

Apollo32389   Offline
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I think it needs more rhythm, but other than that, it's pretty good.
BTW, you spelled "auxilary" wrong.  It should be "auxiliary" unless you're just trying to be different.
« Last Edit: Jun 20th, 2003 at 7:48pm by Apollo32389 »  
On the box it said,
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Reply #9 - Apr 27th, 2003 at 11:38am

Squeek   Offline
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Legacy the poor mans Learjet
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I never said i know what it is like!
 
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Reply #10 - Apr 27th, 2003 at 4:55pm

Crumbso   Offline
Ground Hog

Posts:
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Hhmmm some good use of language there but you need to get a rythnm into it. Try iambic pentameter I think it would go nicely. of course you may need to chonge some words but otherwise excellent poem.

I like haikus myself.

BERLIN

In The Dead of Night
Bomb Laden Eagles Descend.
While Jerry's in Bed
 
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Reply #11 - Apr 28th, 2003 at 9:25am

Fly2e   Offline
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Quote:
Posted by: scubapro Posted on: Apr 26th, 2003, 1:21am
on Apr 26th, 2003, 12:17am, Andrew N.P. Esselbach wrote:Nice poem.  
Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"  


That is funny!!

USAF, I like your poem, it is great to see when someone writes something from the heart.

Quote:
Posted by: Apollo32389 Posted on: Apr 27th, 2003, 11:48am
I really hate to mention this, but how would you know what it's like to be in combat?  I'm a member of the civil air patrol too, and for the most part we sit in a room and plan out search and rescue missions (The last time we did aerial combat was in 1941ish).  You are far too young to even fly with us!!!  I'm sorry I had to mention it, but it's the truth.  


Not a great way to "introduce" yourself, Apollo. Quote:
Posts: 1

Apollo, I don't think you need to be involved in combat to draw a "poetic" picture of what is was like. A poem is meant for the reader to draw his or her own story in their head. That is true, he is "Far to young to fly with you" but remember, years from now, while you're having wheelchair races and searching for your dentures,.....
USAF will be saying, "You are far too OLD to fly with us!!"   Wink

Dave   Grin
« Last Edit: Apr 29th, 2003 at 9:55am by Fly2e »  
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Reply #12 - Apr 28th, 2003 at 9:53am

Hagar   Offline
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I've given you a 4. Well done.
Although I never understood this "loose structure" form of poetry I like it very much. Wink

Apollo. I'm not aware of any rule restricting authors to describing what they have personally exerienced. If this were the case we would have missed out on many great works of literature.  Roll Eyes
 
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Reply #13 - Apr 28th, 2003 at 10:40am

Fly2e   Offline
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Well said Hagar!
 
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Reply #14 - Apr 28th, 2003 at 1:30pm

BFMF   Offline
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Quote:
I really hate to mention this, but how would you know what it's like to be in combat?


Ever heard of virtual combat ??? Grin Roll Eyes

CFS can get quite intense at times! Grin
 
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Reply #15 - Apr 28th, 2003 at 2:19pm
Jeresand15   Guest

 
Good poem Brian, That Apollo person is just being a negative nancy, so ignore them.  You should put this one in you book for school Smiley
 
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Reply #16 - Apr 28th, 2003 at 2:21pm

Squeek   Offline
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Legacy the poor mans Learjet
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nicely but you guys. I know this kid... wish i didnt, always anyose me.... watch him post he dosent, did i mention he is a lier..... "on my honor as a civil air patrol cadet of the New York wing i will NOT LIE, cheat, steal or comit any act of intentional disoniesty or tolorate those who do." That is the honor code that Apollo and i hade to memorize... and should live by. I mean it is an oth, at one point we raized out right hand to the flag and recited it. Now if only he would abide by it. I wont get into the core values but the 1st one, "Integrety first" also means the same thing. what do u guys think? Jeremey, his name is Liam, u might know him. Also that is my plan.
 
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Reply #17 - Apr 28th, 2003 at 2:30pm

Hagar   Offline
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My Spitfire Girl
Costa Geriatrica

Posts: 33159
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USAFauxilary. I suspected this was a personal thing. Take my tip. Accept it as a joke & don't let it worry you. I can see you're rattled by the spelling in your reply. Your poem proves that you can express yourself eloquently when you wish to. Just calm down a little. Wink
 
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