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Poll
Question:
On a scale of 1 to 5 how would you rate my poem?
1 (poor)
1 (6.2%)
2
0 (0.0%)
3
6 (37.5%)
4
6 (37.5%)
5 (exeptional)
3 (18.8%)
Total votes: 16
« Created by:
Squeek
on: Apr 25
th
, 2003 at 7:02pm »
Pages:
1
2
How do you like it? (Read 1478 times)
Apr 25
th
, 2003 at 7:02pm
Squeek
Offline
Colonel
Legacy the poor mans Learjet
United States of America
Gender:
Posts: 820
Well here is my poem. Let me know how you like it. Also, If it isnt to much trouble can you post why you voted how you did.
Flying Peace
By Brian *******
Cross into the blue
Fly high as a cloud
Up there alone
Only with your machine
Maybe someone
On your wing
But you never give that a thought
Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free
All until you hear that ring
When you look behind
And there you see
Not a friend
But a foe
All that training
Then kicks in
Peace all of a sudden
Disappears
Then just a quickly as it left
The peace returns
Just after you had
The time of your life
Fighting for it
Ozzy let me know if it compairs to real or not? I gave myself a 4 with it because I think it could use some work but otherwise it is pretty good.
«
Last Edit: Apr 25
th
, 2003 at 8:09pm by Squeek
»
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Reply #1 -
Apr 25
th
, 2003 at 11:17pm
BFMF
Offline
Colonel
Pacific Northwest
Gender:
Posts: 19820
Nice poem.
COMPLETED: If Anyone Cares, Here's A Map Of My Current FSX Flight Around The World
My Reality Check Bounced
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Reply #2 -
Apr 26
th
, 2003 at 12:04am
Splash
Ex Member
Hey that is very, very nice!!!! You have talent and I really like the way you ended it with the last two lines. With feeling!!!!
Splash
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Reply #3 -
Apr 26
th
, 2003 at 12:21am
Deputy
Offline
Colonel
Hillsboro, Oregon
Gender:
Posts: 2090
Quote:
Nice poem.
Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"
Uh oh. . . .
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when I come for you?&&&&
Iustita Omnibus
&&
Justice for All
&&&&Women are: attractive, single, mentally stable. Pick two.&&
&&Yes, we drive on the right-hand-side of the road. Yes, I parked on the left-hand-side of the road. Yes, I blocked traffic for a picture. &&&&&&
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Reply #4 -
Apr 26
th
, 2003 at 12:41am
BFMF
Offline
Colonel
Pacific Northwest
Gender:
Posts: 19820
Quote:
Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"
Uh oh. . . .
I didn't think about that
COMPLETED: If Anyone Cares, Here's A Map Of My Current FSX Flight Around The World
My Reality Check Bounced
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Reply #5 -
Apr 26
th
, 2003 at 6:28am
Woodlouse2002
Offline
Colonel
I like jam.
Cornwall, England
Gender:
Posts: 12574
Never mind! Its still N.P.!
good poem too...
Woodlouse2002 PITA and BAR!!!!!!!!&&&&Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the Act made in the first year of King George the First for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the King.&&&&Viva la revolution!
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Reply #6 -
Apr 26
th
, 2003 at 7:44am
ozzy72
Offline
Global Moderator
Pretty scary huh?
Madsville
Gender:
Posts: 37122
Brian, I've never been in aerial combat, but I liked the poem, not quite haiku or stanza I don't know what I would classify it as, but v.nice nevertheless.
Ozzy
There are two types of aeroplane, Spitfires and everything else that wishes it was a Spitfire!
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Reply #7 -
Apr 26
th
, 2003 at 10:11am
Squeek
Offline
Colonel
Legacy the poor mans Learjet
United States of America
Gender:
Posts: 820
I think it would be classifed as a free write.
Each of the little groups (Ex.Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free)
Is a stanza if i remember correctly. Feel free to correct me if I wrong wiht any of this stuff. And thanks for the comments everyone.
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Reply #8 -
Apr 27
th
, 2003 at 10:48am
Apollo32389
Offline
2nd Lieutenant
Civil Air Patrol!!!
Gender:
Posts: 1
I think it needs more rhythm, but other than that, it's pretty good.
BTW, you spelled "auxilary" wrong. It should be "auxiliary" unless you're just trying to be different.
«
Last Edit: Jun 20
th
, 2003 at 7:48pm by Apollo32389
»
On the box it said,
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Reply #9 -
Apr 27
th
, 2003 at 11:38am
Squeek
Offline
Colonel
Legacy the poor mans Learjet
United States of America
Gender:
Posts: 820
I never said i know what it is like!
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Reply #10 -
Apr 27
th
, 2003 at 4:55pm
Crumbso
Offline
Ground Hog
Posts:
Hhmmm some good use of language there but you need to get a rythnm into it. Try iambic pentameter I think it would go nicely. of course you may need to chonge some words but otherwise excellent poem.
I like haikus myself.
BERLIN
In The Dead of Night
Bomb Laden Eagles Descend.
While Jerry's in Bed
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Reply #11 -
Apr 28
th
, 2003 at 9:25am
Fly2e
Offline
Global Moderator
It's 5 O'clock Somewhere!
KFRG
Gender:
Posts: 199132
Quote:
Posted by: scubapro Posted on: Apr 26th, 2003, 1:21am
on Apr 26th, 2003, 12:17am, Andrew N.P. Esselbach wrote:Nice poem.
Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"
That is funny!!
USAF, I like your poem, it is great to see when someone writes something from the heart.
Quote:
Posted by: Apollo32389 Posted on: Apr 27th, 2003, 11:48am
I really hate to mention this, but how would you know what it's like to be in combat? I'm a member of the civil air patrol too, and for the most part we sit in a room and plan out search and rescue missions (The last time we did aerial combat was in 1941ish). You are far too young to even fly with us!!! I'm sorry I had to mention it, but it's the truth.
Not a great way to "introduce" yourself, Apollo.
Quote:
Posts: 1
Apollo, I don't think you need to be involved in combat to draw a "poetic" picture of what is was like. A poem is meant for the reader to draw his or her own story in their head. That is true, he is "Far to young to fly with you" but remember, years from now, while you're having wheelchair races and searching for your dentures,.....
USAF will be saying, "You are far too OLD to fly with us!!"
Dave
«
Last Edit: Apr 29
th
, 2003 at 9:55am by Fly2e
»
Intel Core i7 Extreme Processor 965, 4.2GHz/8MB L3 Cache, Asus P6T Deluxe V2 Intel X58 Chipset Cross
Fire & SLI Supported, Mushkin Redline 6GB (3X2GB) Memory, eVGA NVIDIA GeForce GTX 285, Vista 64.
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Reply #12 -
Apr 28
th
, 2003 at 9:53am
Hagar
Offline
Colonel
My Spitfire Girl
Costa Geriatrica
Posts: 33159
I've given you a 4. Well done.
Although I never understood this "loose structure" form of poetry I like it very much.
Apollo. I'm not aware of any rule restricting authors to describing what they have personally exerienced. If this were the case we would have missed out on many great works of literature.
Founder & Sole Member - Grumpy's Over the Hill Club for Veteran Virtual Aviators
Member of the
Fox Four Group
Need help? Try
Grumpy's Lair
My photo gallery
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Reply #13 -
Apr 28
th
, 2003 at 10:40am
Fly2e
Offline
Global Moderator
It's 5 O'clock Somewhere!
KFRG
Gender:
Posts: 199132
Well said Hagar!
Intel Core i7 Extreme Processor 965, 4.2GHz/8MB L3 Cache, Asus P6T Deluxe V2 Intel X58 Chipset Cross
Fire & SLI Supported, Mushkin Redline 6GB (3X2GB) Memory, eVGA NVIDIA GeForce GTX 285, Vista 64.
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Reply #14 -
Apr 28
th
, 2003 at 1:30pm
BFMF
Offline
Colonel
Pacific Northwest
Gender:
Posts: 19820
Quote:
I really hate to mention this, but how would you know what it's like to be in combat?
Ever heard of virtual combat ???
CFS can get quite intense at times!
COMPLETED: If Anyone Cares, Here's A Map Of My Current FSX Flight Around The World
My Reality Check Bounced
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