A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!

Age before beauty is what we once said,

But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back
C's the chest pains , perhaps cardiac
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure-I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a
few, Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two .
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.



I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,

And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!










Yesterday I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Sassy, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, No, I don't have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, that I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

PetSmart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say!