(FYI, Kroger is a regional grocery chain in the U.S..)


Yesterday
I was at my local Krogers buying a large bag of Purina dog chow
for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the
checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she
think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse
I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened
in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now
enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish setter's ass
and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was  laughing so hard.
Krogers won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask
retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of
crazy things to say.