1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. Just how the hell exactly are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies.....Quit Laughing.)

"22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is."

Every time....

....without fail!... ....!

Paul... ...!

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?




I'll be guilty of this one..

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I do this all the time! 

ApplePie wrote on Sep 4^th, 2010 at 5:11pm:


My Fitted Cotton Sheets don't have corners.
They are just elasticated, and rounded off, to fit tightly under the mattress at each corner
I've never been able to fold them flat, they just finish rolled-up as a big ball, and quickly stuffed into a cupboard!

Paul.... ... ...!

Unfortunately, #2 happens to me far to often. (Wow, that sounds bad now that I read it back. I assure you, I mean the second point on the list )

4 is absolutely true.

6. Well, I write in cursive all the time. I hate having to print because it's so slow.

I reach point 11 at school at least once a day. I reach point 11 again while doing my homework.

13. That one always freaks me out.

15. My freezer does have a light. 

17. You have no idea how badly this feature is needed. I won't go into details, but my Dad needs to actually read the directions before we go somewhere next time. 

19. My friends will say that I do this all the time. It must really piss them off after a while. Ultimately, I do just ignore it. Of course, it doesn't work when they asked you a question and neither of you know why you're now staring at each other with a blank stare. 

I laughed a lot at these because they fit me so well. 

B-Valvs wrote on Sep 4^th, 2010 at 9:12pm:

patchz wrote on Sep 4^th, 2010 at 11:54pm:


What?

ApplePie wrote on Sep 5^th, 2010 at 11:51am:


What?

Mind if I continue your listings?

25. The dog always will be happier than you are... and his brain can't even understand how a refrigerator door works.

26. Sometimes, life just gets in the way. Roll with it.

27. You think you have a good memory until you find that old combination lock.

28. You really don't feel old until your kid realizes you really aren't that strong, smart or important.

29. No, MY wife is always right.

30. The secret to a happy marriage is to be able to say, "uh huh" in a convincing tone.

31. Why is it my teenager can tell me exactly how much our carbon footprint is but still won't turn off a light in any room she has been in?

32. Another sign of age? When you get used to that limp you have first thing in the morning.

33. We used to discuss all of our problems with friends over a cigarette and a cup of coffee. Now our problems ARE cigarettes and coffee.

34. The pisser is that teenage acne never really goes away. It just moves to other less obvious but more painful and embarrassing places.

35. You really shouldn't fire the first person that refers to you as "the old man".