Q: What are two things people never eat before breakfast?
A: Lunch and supper.

Q: What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at the ends?
A: Ohio.

Q: How do you spell mousetrap?
A: C-A-T.

Q: Why is number six afraid ?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)

Q: What did number 1 say to 7?
A: Nice hair

Q: Which letter is not me?
A: U.

Q: Why is the A like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.

Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.

Q: A father and his son were in a car accident. The father died. The son was taken to the hospital. The doctor came in and said: I can't do surgery on him, because he's my son. Who was the doctor?
A: The doctor was his mother.

Q: What do you call a bear without an "ear"?
A: BBBBBBB

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.

Q: What is the differnce between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
A: One is Moscow, the other is a cow's Ma.

Q: What's the difference between a TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ?
A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.

Q: Why did the trafic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)

Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?
A: Pork chops.

Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.

Q: What's got a wave but no sea?
A: My hair.

Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.

A: What is the word that everybody always says wrong?
B: "Wrong".

Q. How many seconds are there in one year?
A. Twelve. January second, February second, March second...

Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!

Q: Why can't a nose be twelve inches?
A: Because then it would be a foot.

Q: Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there.

Q: Which 'BUS' could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: fsh (No letter "i", so no i's.)

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea. (No eye deer)

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
A: Still no idea.

Q: What animal is it that has four legs a tail and flies?
A: A dead horse!

A: What is the difference between a mail box and an elephant?
B: I don't know.
A: I'm not going to give you any letters to post then!

Q: What flowers have two lips?
A: Tulips

Q: They travel all over the world but end up in the corner, what are they?
A: Stamps

Q: Ten copycats were sitting in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None. They were all copyCats.

Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor?
A: A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!

Q: Why were the little drops of ink crying?
A: Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.

: How many sheep does it take to make one wool sweater?
A: I didn't even know sheep could knit!

Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.

Q: What's the most colorful state of U.S.A.?
A: Color-ado.

Q: How do you top a car?
A: Tep on the brake, tupid!

Q: What is the tallest building in our town?
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)

Q: If you are Russian before you enter the bathroom and Finnish after you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom?

A: European.  (You're a-peein'.)

Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam!

Q: A man was locked in a room with only a bed, a calendar, and a piano. How did he drink, how did he eat, and how did he get out? Another man was locked in a room with only a mirror and a table. How did he get out? A third man was locked in an empty room. How did he escape?

A: The first man drank from the springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door. The second man looked in the mirror to see what he saw. Then he took the saw and cut the table in half. Next, he put the two halves together to make a whole. Finally, he crawled out through the hole. The third man broke out with the measles.

Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick!

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including "y" ?
A: Unquestionablely!

Q: What was 4 wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!