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Anger Management (Read 1026 times)
Mar 21
st
, 2009 at 10:25pm
Mushroom_Farmer
Offline
Colonel
To the Sooper-Coop Fred
Indiana, USA
Gender:
Posts: 1976
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found the number and dialled it.
A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is David.
Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?".
Suddenly a manic Voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!" and the phone was Slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a C*nt!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, "You're a C*nt!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "C*nt" calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said," Hi, this is John Smith from BT I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled
"NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!"
One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a Parking spot.
Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover
C*nt, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford.
It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?"
"Steve, you're unemployed because you're a C*nt!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call.
Then one day I came up with an idea.
I called C*nt #1.
"Hello?" "You're a C*nt!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Steve Hansen." "Yeah?" Where do you live?" "I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal Grey Land Rover
parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm
really scared, C*nt," and hung up.
Then I called C*nt #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, C*nt," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll do what?" I said.
" I'll kick the sh*t out of you" He said I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, and that I was
on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Ilford.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street.
I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the cr*p out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.
Now I feel MUCH better.
Take it from me, anger management really works!
&&&&"We're just sitting here trying to put our PCjrs in a pile and burn them. And the damn things won't burn. That's the only thing IBM did right with it - they made it flameproof." &&
Spinnaker Software chairman William Bowman, 1985
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Reply #1 -
Mar 21
st
, 2009 at 11:13pm
Wii
Offline
Colonel
Space
Gender:
Posts: 2787
ROFL Glad I read the whole thing.
&&
http://352photography.webs.com/
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Reply #2 -
Mar 21
st
, 2009 at 11:19pm
Sergeant-Coates1
Offline
Colonel
squashed
Posts: 112
I want to do that now!
my name was NitroPower & 87Honda Shadow
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Reply #3 -
Mar 22
nd
, 2009 at 5:20am
ozzy72
Offline
Global Moderator
Pretty scary huh?
Madsville
Gender:
Posts: 37122
I might try this tomorrow at work
There are two types of aeroplane, Spitfires and everything else that wishes it was a Spitfire!
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Reply #4 -
Mar 22
nd
, 2009 at 8:35am
Steve M
Offline
Colonel
Cambridge On.
Gender:
Posts: 4097
It wouldn't be hard to find a couple more a$$es to try this on!
Flying with twins is a lot of fun..
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Reply #5 -
Mar 22
nd
, 2009 at 10:47am
Shanes wife
Ex Member
That was great.
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Reply #6 -
Mar 22
nd
, 2009 at 11:21am
B-Valvs
Ex Member
Brilliant!
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Reply #7 -
Mar 22
nd
, 2009 at 2:40pm
skoker
Offline
Colonel
Jordan never wore his
safety goggles...
1G3
Gender:
Posts: 4611
Wow... That guy is my hero!!
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Reply #8 -
Mar 22
nd
, 2009 at 3:40pm
EchoLdrWolf
Offline
Colonel
J-3 Cub Pilot
Newton, N.J.
Gender:
Posts: 484
<center>
</center>
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Reply #9 -
Mar 22
nd
, 2009 at 9:37pm
Sean_TK
Offline
Colonel
Hello
USA
Gender:
Posts: 1620
Excellent!
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Reply #10 -
Mar 23
rd
, 2009 at 1:43am
BigTruck
Offline
Global Moderator
Former Sergeant of Marines
Tuscaloosa, AL
Gender:
Posts: 7161
I read this two years ago, I already have my victim on speed dial, if I get passed over for promotion this year, Lord save his soul
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Reply #11 -
Feb 4
th
, 2010 at 7:47pm
B-Valvs
Offline
Colonel
Jaggie Police
5B2
Gender:
Posts: 5949
Back from the dead!
I had to read this again because it's so amazing.
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Reply #12 -
Feb 5
th
, 2010 at 2:21pm
H
Offline
Colonel
2003: the year NH couldn't
save face...
NH, USA
Gender:
Posts: 6837
I recall this one... however...
the Steve Hansen I knew never caused me a problem and didn't own a Land Rover...
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Reply #13 -
Feb 8
th
, 2010 at 10:48pm
U4EA
Ex Member
Hate to break another one to ya.....but I am the originator of this about 4 years ago.....
I don't claim manty things, but this was my and a coworkers "brainchild".
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Reply #14 -
Feb 8
th
, 2010 at 10:55pm
U4EA
Ex Member
Here's our original:
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an a**hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a**hole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "a**hole calling" would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a**hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW a**hole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked
right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an a**hole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**holes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called A**hole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an a**hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole," and hung up.
Then I called A**hole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a**hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your a**," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, a**hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two a**holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works...
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