This caught my eye on another board... too good to be made-up, IMHO.
Enjoy.






IF THERE'S ONE THING FOR SURE ABOUT PILOTS, IT'S THAT THEY ARE...

CHEAP BASTARDS. When my company hired me two decades ago, one of the first things I noticed about many of my fellow pilots was that they were cheap bastards. I consider this to be a compliment to my fellow aviators.

These pilots were not cheap when it came time to splitting the dinner bill, as they were all quite gracious in paying up. As a new guy, I had many meals and drinks bought for me by the captains I flew with. “I don’t want your money, just do this for your copilots when you’re a captain”, they would say. A friend of mine had one captain sternly make him take back the money he had just given the captain, for the prior evenings’ dinner bill. They were in the cockpit when the captain thrust the money back at the copilot and said, “God damn it, I told you I didn’t want any ****'n money and when I say I don’t want your ****'n money, that means I don’t want your ****'n money! We have two more days of flying together dip**** and if I see one ****'n red cent come out of your pocket, I will cut your dic off and use it for a pitot tube!” A fraction of a second later the senior flight attendant burst into the cockpit and screamed, “Everything you just said went over the public address system, stop talking!” The captain had been resting his hands on the center console, where the radio panels are. He had accidentally pushed the transmit button on the console, giving all 150 people on board a front row seat to his dialogue. He was mortified. Both pilots looked down the center aisle of the cabin and saw 300 eyeballs bulging out of people’s heads in disbelief. They had not left the gate yet, and had another four hours with these people. The captain performed an emotional Mea Culpa, hoping an offended passenger would not file a complaint.


There's more; very funny stuff. Line pilots, wannabes, and anybody with a sense of humor should read on- this is a great post!

http://www.pilotsofamerica.com/forum/showthread.php?t=20420

i have had all of those things happen to me (except the PA)

generally they are cheap bastards except for dinner time. many including myself bring and entire bag of left overs from home with hopes of saving a few extra bucks per day. of course with present pay rates you pretty much have to.

funny stuff... and all so true!!!