Simviation Forum - Pilot Reports...Funny

May 9^th, 2005 at 10:48pm

JackieAdkins Offline
Colonel
Home Airport: KTUL
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Gender:
Posts: 298

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by QANTAS pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineer.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

THE OBJECT OF WAR IS NOT TO DIE FOR YOUR COUNTRY BUT TO MAKE THE OTHER BASTARD DIE FOR HIS.&&&&&&&&&&&&

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Reply #1 - May 9^th, 2005 at 10:54pm

beefhole Offline
Colonel
common' yigs!
Philadelphia

Gender:
Posts: 4466

First, nice: Always a good chuckle Grin

Now, what needs to be said: OOOOOLD. Been posted roughly 3,000 times before. Different variants on exactly which pilots are reporting these each time.

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Reply #2 - May 9^th, 2005 at 11:44pm

JackieAdkins Offline
Colonel
Home Airport: KTUL
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Gender:
Posts: 298

yeah, i found it on www.entensity.net today. very very funny site

THE OBJECT OF WAR IS NOT TO DIE FOR YOUR COUNTRY BUT TO MAKE THE OTHER BASTARD DIE FOR HIS.&&&&&&&&&&&&

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Reply #3 - May 11^th, 2005 at 8:54pm

Squeek Offline
Colonel
Legacy the poor mans Learjet
United States of America

Gender:
Posts: 820

Yea, I usually see it as an airforce thing... still funny though.

A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....&&&&Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.

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Reply #4 - May 11^th, 2005 at 8:57pm

the_autopilot Offline
Colonel

Gender:
Posts: 1359

Quote:

First, nice: Always a good chuckle Grin

Now, what needs to be said: OOOOOLD. Been posted roughly 3,000 times before. Different variants on exactly which pilots are reporting these each time.

Yeah, this has been posted to death.

Link to sig:&&Click here&&(Cannot post signature here due to current forum restrications on linked images).

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Reply #5 - May 14^th, 2005 at 12:25pm