Hmmm. I told you I'm not violent. I don't usually go around mugging Chelsea Pensioners or anyone else. I could afford to buy a red jacket for whatever good that would do & I don't have enough puff to blow a brass instrument of any description. S'pose I could invite the local hunt round but they never catch anything anyway. Then I would have to fork out for the stirrup cups & whatever else. Probably do more damage than the fox ever did. Any more bright ideas?

You could just stick a lifesize cardboard cutout of Mr Fozzer in your garden, that might work

Have you considered planting a few landmines? That would do the trick.

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Now why didn't I think of that? It might just work. Good thinkin' Craig.

Just one teeny problem. How do I go about acquiring the aforesaid life-sized cardboard cutout? Do you think they have them on Ebay? ???

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That might not be such a good idea now I come to think of it. I have the neighbours & their grandchildren to consider. Far too scary. It would even scare me if I forgot it was there.

I'm sure you're right. Let me try this electronic gizmo & see how I get on. I can try the other suggestions if that doesn't work. I rather like the idea of landmines. How would I go about procuring some? Nah, forget it. Knowing me I would forget they were there & blow myself into orbit. I prefer it down here.

Once the fox is dealt with I have other problems you might be able to help with. Know anything about ant's nests?

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Try here - you can at least buy a Sea Harrier...


Disposal Services Agency

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Thanks Charlie. Much as would like my own Sea Harrier my garden isn't exactly Shoreham Airport. They would also have to knock my home down to get it in there.