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Open Mouth- Insert Foot (Read 1184 times)
Jan 22nd, 2005 at 10:03am

Romulus111VADT   Offline
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What's the best one you've either heard or done yourself?

I was standing in a line at a convenience store once, waiting to check out. There was this EXTREMELY well endowed woman in line (we're talking Dolly Parton in size). A gentlemen was meandering in line and would move along as it did. He'd look when the line moved and then he'd look back and become transfixed on the woman's enormous chest. Well as he got up to the check out, the cashier asked what he'd like. He looked at her and w/o missing a beat said, "A couple of nice tits!" As you can imagine, the entire store erupted into unimaginable laughter as this man goes through total meltdown turning about 6 shades of red. He ran out as we were all about to collapse from laughing. Even the woman got one heck of a laugh out of it.

Grin
 
"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

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Reply #1 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 10:11am

Woodlouse2002   Offline
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I like jam.
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I was once asked, with all sincerity whether eggs were dairy products.
 
Woodlouse2002 PITA and BAR!!!!!!!!&&&&Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the Act made in the first year of King George the First for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the King.&&&&Viva la revolution!
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Reply #2 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 10:14am

Fozzer   Offline
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Hereford. England. EGBS.

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I know the feeling only too well... Grin... Grin... Grin...!

...especially the "feeling"* part... Wink...!

Cheers Rom... Grin...!

Paul.

*apparently, it's against the law....what a shame... Cry...!
 
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Reply #3 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 10:30am

cableguy   Offline
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LMAO
 
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Reply #4 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 10:43am

Fozzer   Offline
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An elderly FS 2004 addict!
Hereford. England. EGBS.

Posts: 24861
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Quote:
LMAO


If there was a law against "looking", then I would be spending the rest of my life in Jail.... Roll Eyes.... Grin....!LOL...LOL...LOL...!

Cheers all... Grin...!

Paul.
 
Dell Dimension 5000 BTX Tower. Win7 Home Edition, 32 Bit. Intel Pentium 4, dual 2.8 GHz. 2.5GB RAM, nVidia GF 9500GT 1GB. SATA 500GB + 80GB. Philips 17" LCD Monitor. Micronet ADSL Modem only. Saitek Cyborg Evo Force. FS 2004 + FSX. Briggs and Stratton Petrol Lawn Mower...Motor Bikes. Gas Cooker... and lots of musical instruments!.... ...!
Yamaha MO6,MM6,DX7,DX11,DX21,DX100,MK100,EMT10,PSR400,PSS780,Roland GW-8L v2,TR505,Casio MT-205,Korg CX3v2 dual manual,+ Leslie 760,M-Audio Prokeys88,KeyRig,Cubase,Keyfax4,Guitars,Orchestral,Baroque,Renaissance,Medieval Instruments.
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Reply #5 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 10:51am

cableguy   Offline
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Quote:
If there was a law against "looking", then I would be spending the rest of my life in Jail.... Roll Eyes.... Grin....!LOL...LOL...LOL...!

Cheers all... Grin...!

Paul.



Jail..... 

I would have been on a death row Fozz!!!  Grin
 
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Reply #6 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 11:02am

Fozzer   Offline
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An elderly FS 2004 addict!
Hereford. England. EGBS.

Posts: 24861
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Quote:
Jail.....  

I would have been on a death row Fozz!!!  Grin


Hi Cable...!

..join the club, Mate.... Grin..!

We will all be chained together fighting for the Electric Chair, each carrying a picture of Dolly Parton....LOL... Grin...!

What a way to go... Grin...!

Fantastic... 8)... Grin...!

Cheers Mate... 8)...!

Paul.

 
Dell Dimension 5000 BTX Tower. Win7 Home Edition, 32 Bit. Intel Pentium 4, dual 2.8 GHz. 2.5GB RAM, nVidia GF 9500GT 1GB. SATA 500GB + 80GB. Philips 17" LCD Monitor. Micronet ADSL Modem only. Saitek Cyborg Evo Force. FS 2004 + FSX. Briggs and Stratton Petrol Lawn Mower...Motor Bikes. Gas Cooker... and lots of musical instruments!.... ...!
Yamaha MO6,MM6,DX7,DX11,DX21,DX100,MK100,EMT10,PSR400,PSS780,Roland GW-8L v2,TR505,Casio MT-205,Korg CX3v2 dual manual,+ Leslie 760,M-Audio Prokeys88,KeyRig,Cubase,Keyfax4,Guitars,Orchestral,Baroque,Renaissance,Medieval Instruments.
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Reply #7 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 11:18am

cableguy   Offline
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Thank You hehe
 
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Reply #8 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 12:50pm

terbert   Offline
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ever to crash!!!!
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??? ??? ??? ???

I do not believe this....I have just told my wife of Woodlouse's posting about the eggs and she said..'I don't get that'

GIVE ME STRENGTH   Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry
How have I stayed married for 35 years!!!!!!

Tony
 
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Reply #9 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 12:53pm

cableguy   Offline
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DUDE are you serious?

omg i feel sorry for you, no offense though  Shocked Shocked Embarrassed Embarrassed Cry Cry
 
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Reply #10 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 1:15pm

Woodlouse2002   Offline
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I like jam.
Cornwall, England

Gender: male
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Quote:
??? ??? ??? ???

I do not believe this....I have just told my wife of Woodlouse's posting about the eggs and she said..'I don't get that'

GIVE ME STRENGTH   Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry
How have I stayed married for 35 years!!!!!!

Tony

Don't feel bad. It was a woman who asked the question in the first place. Grin Grin Grin Grin
 
Woodlouse2002 PITA and BAR!!!!!!!!&&&&Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the Act made in the first year of King George the First for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the King.&&&&Viva la revolution!
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Reply #11 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 2:31pm

terbert   Offline
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The greatest multiplayer
ever to crash!!!!
South Bucks, UK

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Shocked Shocked Shocked

My last post was absolutely true!!!!

Beat this one from the same mouth 35yrs ago when we were courting...
About to leave the local courting spot, my car got a front wheel puncture. All I had was one of the upright hand operated pumps (like a stirrup pump!). After pumping for about 15 minutes, really knackered, with her wandering aimlessly about, she ambles back, takes a look and says..'Nearly done, its only flat on the bottom'   Cry Cry Cry Cry  I said 'Are you bloody serious'
'Yes' she said. I blasphemed at her and it ended in tears.
This tale is 100% true, as true as I am writing it.
Shall I carry on......
Why did I marry her...she is bloody good for morale Grin Grin Grin

Tony



 
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Reply #12 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 2:54pm

Woodlouse2002   Offline
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I like jam.
Cornwall, England

Gender: male
 Posts: 12574
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One of my friends was once explaining to us the changes in her hair colour over her life. And she exclaimed...
"At the moment I have brown hair, when I was little I had blonde hair and when I was a baby I was black."
Grin Grin
 
Woodlouse2002 PITA and BAR!!!!!!!!&&&&Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the Act made in the first year of King George the First for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the King.&&&&Viva la revolution!
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Reply #13 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 3:08pm

Jared   Offline
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Uniontown, Ohio

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LOL..

my well meaning friend that I've known since 2nd grade was telling me and my family about how he and his brother always got blamed for whatever their older sister would do. 

he went on to say that they 9 out of eight times it was him and his brother anyways...

pretty good odds eh?

brings a question to mind...

If four out of five dentists recommend a certain brand of toothpaste, shouldn't they tell us what the  fourth one recommends?
 
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Reply #14 - Jan 22nd, 2005 at 3:12pm

Hagar   Offline
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My Spitfire Girl
Costa Geriatrica

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LOL Grin

This reminds of a young lady at work (whom I don't mind admitting I had a soft spot for at the time). 8) Anyways, one night after work she was having problems starting her car (an old Mini) so old Muggins offered to have a look at if for her. I always was a sucker for a pretty face. Roll Eyes

After about 15 minutes of quietly cursing myself for being an idiot I still couldn't figure it out. It was getting colder & darker by the minute. In despair I said. "Try it now" but still no go. Angry The battery was healthy & churning the old starter motor over like a good'un. Trying to be helpful she got out of the car & said: "I have some jump leads if that's any use". My reply is unrepeatable here. Grin
 
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