The phaomnneil pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses
and you  can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid
deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fcuknig amzanig

All too rarely, Australian airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time lookingthe passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said,"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

On an Air NZ Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Auckland, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.

"Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.">

A plane was taking off from Mascot Airport. After it reached abcomfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over thebintercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome tobFlight Number XYZ, non-stop from Sydney to Auckland. The weather ahead isbgood and, therefore, we should have smooth and uneventful flight. Now sitbback and relax - SHIT! ARGHHH! OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Economy said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you

Nope, no more booze for me

Sorry, but you're not really my type

No kebab for me, thank you

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

I'm not interested in fighting you.

Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing

No, I wont make any attempt to dance thanks, I have zero co-ordination.

Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to urinate over the nearest cash machine or shop front.