men:
1: "Take a break honey, your working too hard" means "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner"
2: "I'm going fishing" means "I'm going to drink myself into a stupor, stand by a stream with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in total safety"
3: "Can I hellp with dinner?" means "Why isn't it on the table yet?"
4: "I missed you" means "My socks need washing and were out of toilet paper"
5: "It's a really good movie" means "Its got guns, explosions, fast cars and Heather Locklear"
6: "I don't believe in material posetions" means "I'm poor"
7: "I was listening to you- it's just that I have a lot on my mind" means " I was wondering if that blonde over there is wearing a bra"
8: "That's womens work" means "I' don't know how to do it"
9: "You cook just like my mother" means "She used the smoke alarm as a timer too"
10: "Whats wrong?" means "What meaningless, self inflicted, psycological trauma are you going through now?"
11: "I was just thinking about you and got these roses" means "I fancy the flower girl"
12: "You look teriffic" means "Please don't try on any more outfits, I'm starving!"
13: "I've been thinking a lot" means "Yor're not as attractive as you were when I met you"
14: "I think we should just be friends" means "You're downright ugly"
15: "I can't find it" means "It didn't fall into my outstreached hands"
16: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about" means "You're the only girl who hasn't dumped me"
17: "I'm hungry" means "Make me something to eat"
18: "I do help around the house" means "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry"
19: "She's one of thos rabid feminists" means "She won't wait on me hand and foot"
20: "Do you love me?" means "I've done something stupid and you might find out"
21: "Do you really love me?" means "I've done something really stupid and you're going to find out"
22: "How much do you love me?" means "I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you"
23: "I have something to tell you" means "Get tested"
24: " Do you want to go to a movie?" means "I really want to have sex with you"
25: "Can I take you out to dinner?" means "I really want to have sex with you"
26: "May I have this dance?" means "I really want to have sex with you"
27: "Nice dress" means "nice cleavage"
28: "You look tense, let me give you a massage" means "I want to grope you"
29: "I'm bored" means "Do you want to have sex?"

women:
1: "We need" mean "I want"
2: " Do what you want" means "You'll pay for this later"
3: "I heard a noise" means "I noticed you were asleep"
4: "Do you love me?" means "I'm going to ask for something expensive"
5: "How much do you love me?" means "I did something you're not going to loke"
6: "We need to talk" means "I need to complain"
7: "You're certainly atentive tonight" means "Is sex all you ever think about"
8: "Be romantic, put off the lights" means "I think I'm putting on weight"
9: "This kitchen floor is so hard to clean" means "I want a new house"
10: "Hang the picture here" means "Hang the picture there"
11: "I'm not yelling" means "I'm yelling because I thik its important"
12: "Is my butt fat?" means "Tell me I'm beautiful"
13: "Do I really look fat in this dress?" means "We havn't had a fight for a while"
14: "No, pizzas fine" means "You tight fisted slob"
15: "Can we just be friends" means "Theres no way I'm going to let any part of your body touch me again"
16: "I see you more as a brother" means "You have the sexual alure of a sea slug"
17: "I just don't want a boyfriend right now" means "I just don't want you as a boyfriend"
18: "It's not you" means "It's you"
19: "I don't know, what do you want to do?" means "I can't beleive you have nothing planned"
20: "I just need some space" means "Without you in it"
21: "We're moving too fast" means "I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if that guy at the gym has a girlfriend"
22: "I'm sorry" means "You'll be sorry"
23: "I'll be ready in a minute" means "I'll be ready in an hour"
24: "Yes" means "No"
25: "No" means "No"
26: "Maybey" means "No"

"I missed you" means "My socks need washing and were out of toilet paper"


hahahaha that one made me chuckle