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Grasshopper v. Ant (US Politics) (Read 216 times)
Aug 8
th
, 2003 at 11:03pm
Scottler
Offline
Colonel
Albany, New York USA
Gender:
Posts: 5989
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, ABC, and CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group
singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & Walter Mondale exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act", retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare
recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug-related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
Great edit, Bob.&&&&&&Google it. &&&&
www.google.com
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Reply #1 -
Aug 9
th
, 2003 at 12:14am
Ozzy the Thingie
Ex Member
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Reply #2 -
Aug 9
th
, 2003 at 12:26am
Polynomial
Offline
Colonel
Health is merely the slowest
possible way to die.
Brisbane, Australia
Gender:
Posts: 1951
a variation has been posted before but worth a good laugh nonetheless!
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Reply #3 -
Aug 9
th
, 2003 at 12:04pm
Iroquois
Offline
Colonel
Happy Halloween
Ontario Canada
Gender:
Posts: 3244
I've seen the Canadian version, which is more true to life than the US version.
The Canadian Post-Modern Version
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.
The CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The NDP, the CAW, and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavut with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome." Svend Robinson rants in an interview with Pamela Wallin that the ant has gotten rich of the bacs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hick on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The ant ,oves to the US, starts a successful agribiz company.
The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing the last of the ant's food though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old home, crumbles around him because he hadn't manintained it. Inadequate government funding is blamed, Roy Romanow is appointed to head of the comission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000. The grasshopper is soon dead os a drug overdose, the Toronto Star blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root cause of despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house it taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly terrorize the community.
The Morral: Canadian polititians are all turkeys.
I just posted this to show that although Canada and the US have had our differences recently, in truth we really aren't much different at all.
I only pretend to know what I'm talking about. Heck, that's what lawyers, car mechanics, and IT professionals do everyday.
&&The Rig: &&AMD Athlon XP2000+ Palomino, ECS K7S5A 3.1, 1GB PC2700 DDR, Geforce FX5200 128mb, SB Live Platinum, 16xDVD, 16x10x40x CDRW, 40/60gb 7200rpm HDD, 325w Power, Windows XP Home SP1, Directx 9.0c with 66.81 Beta gfx drivers
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