The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to
start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man
should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut
in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a
specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in
and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith,
blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes
the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six
or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that,
I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in
downtown London."
"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer
handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around four and
five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly
concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally,
when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on
your, eh......equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action.
Madam? Madam?.....
Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

.

LMAO