The Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an
early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for
retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight
line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points
would be.
The first officer, who accepted, asked that he be measured from the
top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet
and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked
out with $96000.
The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he
would like to be measured replied "from the tip of my penis to my
testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to
reconsider; explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers
had received.
But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him
providing a medical officer took the measurement.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop 'em",
Which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip
of the Captains penis and began to work back.
"My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The Captain calmly replied "in Vietnam."
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