well after a few days of hard thinking i have decided to leave this whole situation alone till i have gotten my pilots license. i realized i cant afford any serious distractions and i sure as hell cant afford anything that will cost me time and money, once i have sorted out my license whether it be just PPL or all the way through the instructors rating(wheres brad i need to ask him about that) i need 100% concentration on that. Afterwards i will sort everything else out.
thanks again for the advice its much appreciated:)
you guys are definatly the most patient people i have met in a long time and its great to there are some people who take the time to listen, much respect to all of you.
Craig

especially if we have a .44 calibre magnum to hand eh Ken?

ok this is seriously getting more F'd up than i could even begin to imagine.
ok just spoke to my Ex and apparently her and her boyfriend split up on sunday. and this time speaking to me she seemed alot more happy to talk to me, i am getting seriously mixed thoughts on what to do here now, someone please shoot me now to make this easier. ??? 

i asked one of you to blow me away knowing me i'd make a mess of it and just end up with a hole in my foot
i really cant understand why i cant just walk away from this, all my life i have moved due to the army life, lost friends made news ones, but i have just never really given it a second thought then one person comes along and suddenly thats all gone out the window, and what really annoys me is i used to be a real A'hole who just turn off my feelings towards a person at any point and not give a damn about anyone and i cant do that either.

hey fozzer wheres that rifle you were supposed to be sending a few weeks back:)
and thanks ozzy i know it must seem like your hitting your head against a brick wall with this, and i do appreciate your patience with this, and i even do listen and follow the advice its just then something else comes along a short time later

you might be right there hagar. all i know is i have to sort this thing out before i start full time training for my pilots licenses, there is no way i can get in a plane without full attention on that. i think i might speak to an uncle of mine about some time away, he lives in canada perhaps being away from it all in a completely differant country will work, i might take that holiday suggestion and put it to good use, fresh mountain air will do a person good:) plus he works as an aircraft mechanic for a major airline(cant remember which) but might get a chance to go see some planes:)

that didnt make this any easier:)
and i am still hoping to goto the US for my training assuming money things work out. thing is that has history to which wouldnt help me get away from it. canada is about as far away from everything i could ever get. and i would never give up the chance to become a pilot for anyone, its my ultimate dream and honestly untill i am a fully certified pilot there is nothing i would give it up for.

go ahead hurt me:) if thats what it takes you can bash me over the head with a 2x4 for hours if  it helps if you want. i do appreciate your advice honestly. i am just a little to stubborn for my own good(which is never a good thing) i think i am finally figuring something out and i will give it a go tomorow. i know this isnt an overnight thing.
thank you hagar i know i can be very annoying in my ways sometimes:)