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For Those Who Remember... (Read 839 times)
Aug 15
th
, 2012 at 7:22pm
Mike..
Offline
Colonel
Beer is the answer, I
can't remember the question.
Fayetteville NC
Gender:
Posts: 1688
Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood
Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are
now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15
minutes of the show!)
Q . Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long
enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love
You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going
to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the
dark..
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting
into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is
it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them
and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do
in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING
Mike
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Reply #1 -
Aug 15
th
, 2012 at 8:07pm
Romulus111VADT
Offline
Colonel
Gender:
Posts: 5521
Back when comedians were comedians and the world was better for it....
"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."
Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”
Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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Reply #2 -
Aug 16
th
, 2012 at 4:03am
Fozzer
Offline
Colonel
An elderly FS 2004 addict!
Hereford. England. EGBS.
Posts: 24861
Dear, oh dear, oh dear!....
...
...
...!
What a wonderful start to my day...reading all that!...
...
...
...!
It certainly cleared a lot of mucus from my Lungs!...
...
...!
Paul....
...!
Dell Dimension 5000 BTX Tower. Win7 Home Edition, 32 Bit. Intel Pentium 4, dual 2.8 GHz. 2.5GB RAM, nVidia GF 9500GT 1GB. SATA 500GB + 80GB. Philips 17" LCD Monitor. Micronet ADSL Modem only. Saitek Cyborg Evo Force. FS 2004 + FSX. Briggs and Stratton Petrol Lawn Mower...Motor Bikes. Gas Cooker... and lots of musical instruments!.... ...!
Yamaha MO6,MM6,DX7,DX11,DX21,DX100,MK100,EMT10,PSR400,PSS780,Roland GW-8L v2,TR505,Casio MT-205,Korg CX3v2 dual manual,+ Leslie 760,M-Audio Prokeys88,KeyRig,Cubase,Keyfax4,Guitars,Orchestral,Baroque,Renaissance,Medieval Instruments.
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Reply #3 -
Aug 17
th
, 2012 at 1:09am
U4EA
Offline
Colonel
Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm
fwying.
KSTL
Gender:
Posts: 6758
Thanx for the 20 minute laugh Mike! My sides are killin' me!
Romulus111VADT wrote
on Aug 15
th
, 2012 at 8:07pm:
Back when comedians were comedians and the world was better for it....
Quite true and awesomely acurate.
I love the smell of radials in the morning!
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Reply #4 -
Sep 17
th
, 2012 at 4:19pm
ATA CEO
Offline
Lieutenant Colonel
I Love Simviation.
Posts: 6
ohh how true that is
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Reply #5 -
Sep 17
th
, 2012 at 6:09pm
Webb
Offline
Colonel
Go 'Noles!
Morningwood Golf Resort
Posts: 1068
A long time ago there were 7 words you could
never
say on television.
YouTube
and (obviously) NSFW.
The original words were ****, ****, ****, ****, **********, ************ and ****.
RIP George Carlin.
A bad day at golf is better than a good day at work.
Jim
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Reply #6 -
Sep 17
th
, 2012 at 6:15pm
ozzy72
Offline
Global Moderator
Pretty scary huh?
Madsville
Gender:
Posts: 37122
That last one actually brought tears to my eyes! The wife thought I was having some kind of fit
There are two types of aeroplane, Spitfires and everything else that wishes it was a Spitfire!
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Reply #7 -
Sep 26
th
, 2012 at 4:48pm
Willit Run
Offline
Colonel
Jack's Back!!
Cherry Hill, New Jersey USA
Posts: 4030
They were all great but this one was my favorite.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
I loved this show and the Carol Burnett Show.
Cory
&&
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