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Helpline Letter (Read 299 times)
Aug 11th, 2011 at 1:38am
U4EA   Ex Member

 

A Letter to the Men's Helpline:


Hi HelpLine!   I really need your advice on a serious problem:
 
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
 
The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
 
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat.

When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
 
It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.
 
Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?

 
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Reply #1 - Aug 11th, 2011 at 2:12am

hyperpep111   Offline
Colonel
You'll Never See Me Coming.
93 million miles from sun

Gender: male
Posts: 1328
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Why did he have to hide behind the boat? I thought Dumbos could fly. Grin Roll Eyes Roll Eyes Roll Eyes
 

Most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots because they know how easy it is.
Arguing with a pilot is like wrestling with a pig in the mud, after a while you begin to think the pig likes it.
                                    
...
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Reply #2 - Aug 11th, 2011 at 7:19pm

H   Offline
Colonel
2003: the year NH couldn't
save face...
NH, USA

Gender: male
Posts: 6837
*****
 
U4EA;
        It is fortunate that you found the problem with the crack. If the boat is stored near navigable water, it is suggested that you give it a temporary tack weld in case of an emergency. This is very important: the engine can only be run at very low power with the tack weld -- anything more will get you about 1000 yards from shore before the weld will give way, snapping the engine around with more than enough force to rip the remaining mount completely off the boat.
Such an accident would leave the boat adrift without an engine so I suggest you install an emergency oar on a special mount. Drill a hole through the bottom of the hull to accomodate a length of 4" drainpipe. Only enough drainpipe needs extend below the hull to accomodate a 4" drain cap in which you drill a 3/4" hole. Do not glue/epoxy the cap to the pipe -- also drill a 3/4" hole in the shaft of the oar, then insert an extra long 3/4" bolt or threaded rod through the pipe cap (securing it to the cap with a nut on the inner side) up through the pipe and then through the oar, tightening down tightly a nut on top of the emergency oar, which will hold the oar in place as well as keep the cap tight on the outer hull side of the pipe. Then label the oar with instructions to remove the nut for emergecy use and pound the bolt down into the shaft hole to more easily remove the oar from the bolt. Then attach, in whatever means, a wrench to the oar.
Now, well before your wife's time to 'go out with the girls', or whatever, take off from home and, if possible, block the road in. Park the car off to the side (bump into a tree for good effect) and walk back to the house. Make sure the boat is docked in the water and alert your wife to the roadblock and the fact that you're heading back to the car and heading to the repair shop (if she hasn't a wrist watch and you're unobserved, turn the clocks ahead about an hour). By all means, let her know that you're not leaving her stranded -- if it's such an emergency that she thinks she really needs to leave, she can use the boat -- no need to tell her anything but how to get the engine started -- but you will be back as soon as possible (we suggest you not return until late in the morning).

PS I should warn that if you meet your living, breathing wife the next morning, she's probably going to be as mad as a wet hen -- but accidents are accidents.



Cool
« Last Edit: Aug 11th, 2011 at 11:24pm by H »  
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Reply #3 - Aug 11th, 2011 at 8:14pm

TacitBlue   Offline
Colonel
That's right, I have my
own logo.
Saint Joseph, Missouri, USA

Gender: male
Posts: 5391
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Is there something you're not telling us about your late wife, H? Wink
 

...
A&P Mechanic, Rankin Aircraft 78Y

Aircraft are naturally beautiful because form follows function. -TB
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