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Corn (Read 15256 times)
Reply #45 - May 25th, 2011 at 10:24pm
U4EA   Ex Member

 
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

 
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Reply #46 - May 25th, 2011 at 10:43pm

patchz   Offline
Colonel
What, me worry?
IN THE FUNNY PAPERS

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Grin Grin Grin
 
...
If God intended aircraft engines to have horizontally opposed engines, Pratt and Whitney would have made them that way.
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Reply #47 - May 26th, 2011 at 4:41pm

Radio Homer   Offline
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B737-800!

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A blonde goes to the hospital to know whether she is pregnant or not. The doctor does a scan and tells her she is going to have twins. The blonde bursts out in tears and the doctor asks why? He asks , do you not want twins? The blonde says, no, its just, i dont know who the 2nd dad is!!
 
Here to help and get help!!!

...
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Reply #48 - May 26th, 2011 at 6:12pm

Steve M   Offline
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I walked into a car showroom last night.

I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window."

He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window."

I said, "You do now."
 
...
Flying with twins is a lot of fun..
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Reply #49 - May 26th, 2011 at 6:14pm

Steve M   Offline
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Cambridge On.

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My mail box, has nine letters in it.  Cool
 
...
Flying with twins is a lot of fun..
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Reply #50 - May 28th, 2011 at 2:13pm

H   Offline
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2003: the year NH couldn't
save face...
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Did you hear about the on-site conference for corn harvesters?
They were all ears.

Why didn't the nobleman publish his story?
He only had one page.



Cool
« Last Edit: May 30th, 2011 at 10:27am by H »  
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Reply #51 - Jun 8th, 2011 at 1:01am
U4EA   Ex Member

 
Anyone hear about the guy that ran into a crowded firehouse and yelled; "MOVIE, MOVIE, MOVIE!!!"




Didn't think so. Cheesy



 
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Reply #52 - Jun 8th, 2011 at 8:39pm

TacitBlue   Offline
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U4EA wrote on Jun 8th, 2011 at 1:01am:
Anyone hear about the guy that ran into a crowded firehouse and yelled; "MOVIE, MOVIE, MOVIE!!!"


Grin Grin Grin

That's not corn, that's funny! Hope you don't mind, but I'm borrowing that for my facebook status. I always try to come up with a funny status but today I was drawing a blank. Wink
 
...
A&P Mechanic, Rankin Aircraft 78Y

Aircraft are naturally beautiful because form follows function. -TB
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Reply #53 - Jun 8th, 2011 at 11:51pm

Ang2dogs   Offline
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No matter where you go,
there you are.
black mountain hills of Dakota

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What did one twin fetus say to the other one while in the womb?


Lets make like babies and head out!
 
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Reply #54 - Jun 9th, 2011 at 12:10am
U4EA   Ex Member

 
TacitBlue wrote on Jun 8th, 2011 at 8:39pm:
U4EA wrote on Jun 8th, 2011 at 1:01am:
Anyone hear about the guy that ran into a crowded firehouse and yelled; "MOVIE, MOVIE, MOVIE!!!"


Grin Grin Grin

That's not corn, that's funny! Hope you don't mind, but I'm borrowing that for my facebook status. I always try to come up with a funny status but today I was drawing a blank. Wink


Actually! It's not a joke.  Many many moons ago my buds and I had imbided quite heavily while at a festival on Clearwater Beach. 

One of the main Fire/Rescue Stations is adjacent to one of the larger public parking lots.  Being that the Fire Department was one of the festival sponsors, the station was very crowded both inside and out.

As we stumbled past I shouted "Watch this!" and sprinted up the station driveway, stopped in the middle of the parked engines and yelled "Movie! Movie! Movie!"

Only a handful of the bystanders 'got it'.

Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy

No worries mate, borrow away! Smiley
 
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Reply #55 - Jun 10th, 2011 at 1:56pm

Steve M   Offline
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Whenever you are in big trouble.. Push Alt + F4  Cool
 
...
Flying with twins is a lot of fun..
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Reply #56 - Jun 11th, 2011 at 2:05pm

B-Valvs   Offline
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I'm not sure if anyone knows the old Tonight Show routine "Carnac the Magnificent," but here are some funny ones from that:

A: Planter's Punch.
Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts?

A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer."
Q: What are two bad names for a laxative?

A: Gatorade.
Q: What does an alligator get on welfare?

A: High rollers.
Q: Describe a stoned bowling team.

A: "Follow the yellow brick road."
Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office?

A: Flypaper.
Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper?

A:  Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah!
Q.  Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!

A: The Orient express.
Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice?

http://www.nightscribe.com/Politics/carnacquotes.htm

Here's a clip for those not familiar:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnwyQFe3wRA

Cool
 
...
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Reply #57 - Jun 11th, 2011 at 3:22pm

patchz   Offline
Colonel
What, me worry?
IN THE FUNNY PAPERS

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I think you just made Johnny smile. I can just see Ed getting tickled at him.  Grin
 
...
If God intended aircraft engines to have horizontally opposed engines, Pratt and Whitney would have made them that way.
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Reply #58 - Jun 11th, 2011 at 9:55pm

TacitBlue   Offline
Colonel
That's right, I have my
own logo.
Saint Joseph, Missouri, USA

Gender: male
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I saw a sign that read "Huge DVD sale".

I would go, but I don't have a huge DVD player. Roll Eyes
 
...
A&P Mechanic, Rankin Aircraft 78Y

Aircraft are naturally beautiful because form follows function. -TB
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Reply #59 - Jun 12th, 2011 at 4:53am

patchz   Offline
Colonel
What, me worry?
IN THE FUNNY PAPERS

Gender: male
 Posts: 10589
 *****
 
TacitBlue wrote on Jun 11th, 2011 at 9:55pm:
I saw a sign that read "Huge DVD sale".

I would go, but I don't have a huge DVD player. Roll Eyes

And Vaudeville makes it to the 21st Century, successfully, I might add.  Grin
 
...
If God intended aircraft engines to have horizontally opposed engines, Pratt and Whitney would have made them that way.
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