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Reply #135 - Sep 11th, 2011 at 4:50pm

Bud Greene   Offline
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What's up, doc?
Up, up in the air...

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H wrote on Sep 10th, 2011 at 8:37pm:
Bud Greene wrote on Sep 10th, 2011 at 6:58pm:
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer and a mop."
The bartender replied, "I don't think so -- you may be bone dry but we don't serve anyone who can't hold their liquor!"



Cool

Grin Grin Grin  I love witty replies!   Grin Grin Grin
 
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Reply #136 - Sep 11th, 2011 at 7:17pm

skoker   Offline
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Jordan never wore his
safety goggles...
1G3

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A coprophiliac walks into a bar and orders a drink, he replies to the bartender "tastes like crap"   Grin
 


...
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Reply #137 - Sep 11th, 2011 at 7:58pm

Bud Greene   Offline
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What's up, doc?
Up, up in the air...

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skoker wrote on Sep 11th, 2011 at 7:17pm:
A coprophiliac walks into a bar and orders a drink, he replies to the bartender "tastes like crap"   Grin

Oohh!  I could say that that joke stinks, ha,ha. Grin
 
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Reply #138 - Sep 17th, 2011 at 10:34am

cgentil   Offline
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I Love YaBB 2.5 AE!

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Good  Smiley
 
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Reply #139 - Sep 22nd, 2011 at 9:57pm

jime59   Offline
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I Fly Sim!
Streamwood,Il

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar, Bartender say's "We don't serve food here".
 

The mind is like a parachute...it only works when it's open.
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Reply #140 - Sep 23rd, 2011 at 2:17am
U4EA   Ex Member

 

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said,

"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

 
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Reply #141 - Sep 23rd, 2011 at 9:53am

CHUCK79   Offline
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"Good grief"
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U4EA wrote on Sep 23rd, 2011 at 2:17am:
Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said,

"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."




Grin Grin Grin Grin
 

"Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth and danced the skies on laughter silvered wings. Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth of sun split clouds.....and done a hundred things you have never dreamed of.....wheeled and soared and swung high in the sunlit silence. Hovering there, I've chased the shouting wind along and flung my eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long, delerious, burning blue I've topped the wind swept heights with easy grace where never Lark, nor even Eagle flew. While with silent lifting of mind I've trod the high untrespassed sanctity of space, put out my hand and touched the face of god"
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Reply #142 - Sep 23rd, 2011 at 5:45pm

FoxThree   Offline
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KRFD

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U4EA wrote on Sep 23rd, 2011 at 2:17am:
Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said,

"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."


Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
 
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Reply #143 - Sep 27th, 2011 at 12:09pm
U4EA   Ex Member

 
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
 
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Reply #144 - Sep 27th, 2011 at 12:10pm
U4EA   Ex Member

 
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
 
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Reply #145 - Sep 27th, 2011 at 12:11pm
U4EA   Ex Member

 
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
 
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Reply #146 - Sep 27th, 2011 at 12:37pm

H   Offline
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2003: the year NH couldn't
save face...
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U4EA wrote on Sep 27th, 2011 at 12:09pm:
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
A long while ago I revised a default CFS mission, post-D-Day, for an attack on barges in the river: In Seine Mission.


U4EA wrote on Sep 27th, 2011 at 12:11pm:
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
Being stationary, it usually gets penned in.



Cool
 
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Reply #147 - Sep 28th, 2011 at 12:49am
U4EA   Ex Member

 
A hole has been found in the girls' locker room wall. 

We told the administrator we'd look into it.


 
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Reply #148 - Sep 28th, 2011 at 2:02am

patchz   Offline
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What, me worry?
IN THE FUNNY PAPERS

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What do you say about bullets that missed their target?

They were lead astray. Roll Eyes
 

...
If God intended aircraft engines to have horizontally opposed engines, Pratt and Whitney would have made them that way.
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Reply #149 - Sep 28th, 2011 at 12:33pm

H   Offline
Colonel
2003: the year NH couldn't
save face...
NH, USA

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patchz wrote on Sep 28th, 2011 at 2:02am:
What do you say about bullets that missed their target?
They were lead astray. Roll Eyes
...and many that don't miss the target make a bullet in board.



Cool
 
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