A doctor calls his patient to give him the results of his tests. "I have some bad news" says the doctor, "and some worse news". The patient looks at the doctor and asks him to carry on. "The bad news is that you have only 6 weeks to live". "Oh no!" cries the patient. "What could possibly be worse than that?" "Well," the doctor replies, "I've been trying to reach you since last Monday"


There was a college student trying to earn some pocket money by going from house to house offering to do odd jobs. He explained this to a man who answered one door.
"How much will you charge to paint the porch?" asked the man.
"Forty dollars"
"Fine", says the man, and gives the student a paintbrush and the paints. Three hours later the paint-splattered lad knocks at the door again. "All done!" he says, and collects his money. "By the way," the student says, "That's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari"


A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see", said the priest. "A man helping his fellow man".
As he walked away, one local remarked to the other, "Well he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing"