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Ponderisms (Read 860 times)
Mar 6th, 2008 at 8:18am

Fly2e   Offline
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 Ponderisms


Can you cry under water?


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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?




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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?




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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


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What disease did cured ham actually have?




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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?




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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?




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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?




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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?




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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?




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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.




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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?




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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?




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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?




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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?




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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?




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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!




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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?




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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?




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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?




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Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?




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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?




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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's down below where the sun don't shine?




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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?




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Reply #1 - Mar 6th, 2008 at 11:20am

Romulus111VADT   Offline
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"Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? "

The funeral march and the wedding march are the exact same song, just played at different tempos. Sounds like someone was trying to say something..... Wink

"Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? " Taxes..... Tongue



 
"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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Reply #2 - Mar 6th, 2008 at 5:59pm

TacitBlue   Offline
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Quote:
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because the island told him not to, or he's one of "the others"... oh wait, wrong island show. Tongue
 
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Reply #3 - Mar 6th, 2008 at 6:53pm

a1   Offline
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Fly2e wrote on Mar 6th, 2008 at 8:18am:


 Ponderisms


Can you cry under water?

yes--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

assassinated is for politicle reasons and murdered is for personal

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

no


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


What disease did cured ham actually have?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?



yes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why did you just try singing the two songs above?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's down below where the sun don't shine?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------











i have heard some of these before. Grin
 
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Reply #4 - Mar 6th, 2008 at 9:52pm

Groundbound1   Offline
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Must be a "viral" email...My mother just passed them on to me.

Not on the list, but one of my favorites,

"Why is the alphabet in that order, is it because of that song?" (Steven Wright)
 
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Reply #5 - Mar 7th, 2008 at 3:29am

expat   Offline
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What happens to your lap when you stand up?

Matt
« Last Edit: Mar 9th, 2008 at 3:31am by expat »  
PETA ... People Eating Tasty Animals.

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Reply #6 - Mar 7th, 2008 at 6:01pm

Tom...   Offline
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Why do cricketers wear trousers in summer and footballers wear shorts in winter?
 
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Reply #7 - Mar 7th, 2008 at 11:14pm

TacitBlue   Offline
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Do nudists wear aprons when they barbeque? Tongue
 
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Reply #8 - Mar 8th, 2008 at 12:45am

Mike..   Offline
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Why is it you can drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?  Grin Grin


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Reply #9 - Mar 8th, 2008 at 5:48pm

Jared   Offline
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Cheesy
 
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Reply #10 - Mar 10th, 2008 at 11:22pm

Ang2dogs   Offline
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If you can't be a winner, don't be a loser. Heard it from an ol cuban sailor.
 
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Reply #11 - Mar 11th, 2008 at 4:33am

Romulus111VADT   Offline
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Ang2dogs wrote on Mar 10th, 2008 at 11:22pm:
If you can't be a winner, don't be a loser. Heard it from an ol cuban sailor.


The late Dale Earnhardt Sr. had a good one- ""Second place is just the first place loser."
 
"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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Reply #12 - Mar 11th, 2008 at 12:16pm

expat   Offline
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Romulus111VADT wrote on Mar 11th, 2008 at 4:33am:
Ang2dogs wrote on Mar 10th, 2008 at 11:22pm:
If you can't be a winner, don't be a loser. Heard it from an ol cuban sailor.


The late Dale Earnhardt Sr. had a good one- ""Second place is just the first place loser."


German's have a way around it, they say if you come second, you are the "Vice Champions"  Grin Grin


Matt
 
PETA ... People Eating Tasty Animals.

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Reply #13 - Mar 11th, 2008 at 4:52pm

igs942   Offline
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Fly2e wrote on Mar 6th, 2008 at 8:18am:


Ponderisms

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Hmmmm might know this one....

Cents = possible US currency
Penny = possible UK currency

Could you be travelling from the States to the UK...I'm sure that's the current exchange rate  Wink
 
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Reply #14 - Mar 14th, 2008 at 4:55am

Ashar   Offline
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Formerly known as Phrasing Phrases...This is part 25
 
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