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Things do tend to add up (Read 478 times)
Mar 20th, 2005 at 3:23pm

Romulus111VADT   Offline
Colonel

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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a whole lot readier to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs, cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ~*~*~*~*~*~


Grin
 
"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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Reply #1 - Mar 20th, 2005 at 3:44pm

Jared   Offline
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I'd rather be flying...
Uniontown, Ohio

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Ah, so true! Smiley Good one mate! Wink
 
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Reply #2 - Mar 20th, 2005 at 4:53pm

Tequila Sunrise   Offline
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Nunquam non paratus
Glasgow Scotland

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Love it  Grin
 
If someone with multiple personality disorder threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?

Thou shalt maintain thine airspeed lest the ground shalt rise up and smite thee
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Reply #3 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 12:55am

the_autopilot   Offline
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I have to show this to my teachers.
 
Link to sig:&&Click here&&(Cannot post signature here due to current forum restrications on linked images).
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Reply #4 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 6:21am

Dan   Offline
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Meet Bogart! Thanks CRAIG!
Carmarthenshire, Wales, Uk!

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AWESOME! The last is best, and the ones about romance...  8)
 
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Reply #5 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 6:55am

Vic   Offline
Colonel
Russia - 1060 Years and
Still Strong!
Moscow, Russian Federation

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The last one!!!!LOL! Omg!!!!
Now please excuse me while I wipe the mouthfull of tea that is now all over my desk/monitor/keyboard/mouse/pants!
Vic
 
When you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
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Reply #6 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 8:41am

ozzy72   Offline
Global Moderator
Pretty scary huh?
Madsville

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Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
 
...
There are two types of aeroplane, Spitfires and everything else that wishes it was a Spitfire!
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Reply #7 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 9:36am

Craig.   Offline
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Birmingham

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Grin Very funny:)
 
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Reply #8 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 7:52pm

chomp_rock   Offline
Colonel
I must confess, I was
born at a very early
age.

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Quote:
[center]Dumb man + smart woman = marriage


Hey! I resent that!

Grin Grin Grin
 
AMD Athlon 64 3700+&&GeForce FX5200 256Mb&&1GB DDR400 DC&&Seagate 500Gb SATA-300 HDD&&Windows XP Professional X64 Edition
&&&&That's right, I'm now using an AMD! I decided to give them another try and they kicked the pants off of my P4 3.4!
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Reply #9 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 8:19pm

Romulus111VADT   Offline
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Quote:
Hey! I resent that!

Grin Grin Grin


LOL, Well, what does that formula say about me, I'm on my second marriage, I guess that means I'm twice as dumb.... Grin

Nah, my second wife is a real sweetheart and I'm so thankful to have her as my wife. No, she isn't standing behind me with a gun to my head.... Grin
 
"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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Reply #10 - Mar 22nd, 2005 at 8:34pm

beaky   Offline
Global Moderator
Uhhhh.... yup!
Newark, NJ USA

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Quote:
Nah, my second wife is a real sweetheart and I'm so thankful to have her as my wife. No, she isn't standing behind me with a gun to my head.... Grin

So what, then? Knife? Taser?
Grin Grin

 
...
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Reply #11 - Mar 23rd, 2005 at 10:13am

Vic   Offline
Colonel
Russia - 1060 Years and
Still Strong!
Moscow, Russian Federation

Gender: male
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Quote:
So what, then? Knife? Taser?
Grin Grin



I think he means that she the gun is not aimed at his head. I wonder where it is aimed at then  Wink
Vic
 
When you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
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Reply #12 - Mar 23rd, 2005 at 11:08am

Romulus111VADT   Offline
Colonel

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Quote:
So what, then? Knife? Taser?
Grin Grin


Quote:
I think he means that she the gun is not aimed at his head. I wonder where it is aimed at then  Wink
Vic


LMAO.....She was in the other room at the time...... Grin

No, she wasn't sitting in the other room with cross hairs of my hunting rifle fixed on me, nor was she sitting in the other room with her finger on the detonator.

Grin
 
"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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Reply #13 - Mar 23rd, 2005 at 4:46pm

cableguy   Offline
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Denver, CO

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so true, thats why i dont wanna marry anyone
 
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Reply #14 - Mar 26th, 2005 at 1:57am
Flt.Lt.Andrew   Ex Member

 
I had a mini convulsion when I read that last one.....hehhehe....its so, so , so true....


A.
 
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