Simviation Forum - The Redneck Oil Change Checklist

	Search the archive:

Simviation Main Site | Site Search | Upload Images

Simviation Forum › General › Humour › The Redneck Oil Change Checklist

(Moderators: Mitch., Fly2e, ozzy72, beaky, Clipper, JBaymore, Bob70, BigTruck)

‹ Previous Topic | Next Topic ›

Pages: 1

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist (Read 226 times)

Mar 20^th, 2005 at 11:11am

Jared Offline
Colonel
I'd rather be flying...
Uniontown, Ohio

Gender:
Posts: 12621

1. Go to O'Reillys auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

29. Begin a cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss and complain.

32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

40. Test drive car

41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

42. Car gets impounded.

43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.

Money Spent:

$50 parts

$12 beer

$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!

$1000 Bail

$200 Impound and towing fee

Total: $1337

IP Logged

Reply #1 - Mar 22^nd, 2005 at 8:57am

Loafing Smurf Offline
Colonel
Push it!
Ottawa, Ontario (Canada)

Gender:
Posts: 1905

lol...thats quite the process

My online photo album&&http://public.fotki.com/ranger21/&&&&Discover your Smurf name today!&&http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mule/smurfgen.html&&&&;

IP Logged

Reply #2 - Mar 22^nd, 2005 at 9:34am

Craig. Offline
Colonel
Birmingham

Gender:
Posts: 18590

LOL, seems a little too involved for a redneck, not enough beer Wink

IP Logged

Reply #3 - Mar 22^nd, 2005 at 7:50pm

chomp_rock Offline
Colonel
I must confess, I was
born at a very early
age.

Gender:
Posts: 2718

Well, I don't know how the 1337 fits in there... Was that just to get someone's attention?

AMD Athlon 64 3700+&&GeForce FX5200 256Mb&&1GB DDR400 DC&&Seagate 500Gb SATA-300 HDD&&Windows XP Professional X64 Edition&&&&That's right, I'm now using an AMD! I decided to give them another try and they kicked the pants off of my P4 3.4!

IP Logged

Reply #4 - Mar 22^nd, 2005 at 8:36pm

beaky Offline
Global Moderator
Uhhhh.... yup!
Newark, NJ USA

Gender:
Posts: 14187

Oh.
My.
God...
I'm a redneck!!
Now hol' mah beer, an' watch this!!
Cheesy

IP Logged

Reply #5 - Mar 23^rd, 2005 at 1:05pm

Romulus111VADT Offline
Colonel

Gender:
Posts: 5521

This is why I gave up years ago trying to change my own oil. Not to mention that now you have to have a special container to catch the oil in and that you must take it back to the place you bought the new oil at for disposal. Roll Eyes

"I have a place where dreams are born, And time is never planned. It’s not on any chart, You must find it with your heart."

Albert Einstein - "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."

Martin Luther King Jr. - “Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe - “There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.”

Mark Twain - “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

IP Logged

Pages: 1

‹ Previous Topic | Next Topic ›

« Home

‹ Board

Top of this page