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I don't know who Jordan is, but I am finding all kinds of jokes about her!
A RECENT survey of Premiership footballers asked if they would sleep with Jordan.
Eighty-six per cent replied: “Never again.”
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JORDAN phones the doctor late one night. “Doctor,” she says in a panic, “you’ve got to come over. Peter’s just swallowed a condom.”
The doctor rushes to get his things together when the phone rings again. It’s Jordan again.
“Don’t worry, Doc, there’s no need to come round,” she says. “We’ve found another one.”
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A POLICEMAN pulls over a flash car for speeding. The girl driving has huge, pouting lips and massive breasts.
“Can I see your driving licence please?” he asks.
“Certainly officer,” says the girl, seductively.
The policeman walks to his car and passes the info to his control room.
“Look, mate,” comes a voice over the radio, “that’s Jordan. She’s thick as two short planks. What you should do is go over to her and drop your trousers.”
“What?” asks the policeman, shocked.
“Trust me,” says the voice.
So the policeman goes back to the car and drops his trousers.
“Oh no,” says Jordan, groaning. “Not another breathalyser test!”
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“PETER, Peter,” cries Jordan.
“I’ve finished my jigsaw, it only took me three weeks!” “Why are you so excited?” he says.
Jordan replies: “The box says two to four years.”
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DAVID BECKHAM is chatting to his best friend Gary Neville about the merits or otherwise of Jordan. “Come on,” says Gary.
“Take away the huge breasts, the fantastic figure, the gorgeous, pouting lips and those flirtatious eyes and what have you got?”
David looks a bit wistful. “My wife,” he replies.
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JORDAN enters a swimming gala. Lining up for the breaststroke she eyes up her competitors and feels confident she will give them a run for their money.
The starting gun sounds. Twenty seconds later the winner emerges from the pool, followed swiftly by the girls in second and third.
Poor Jordan takes 20 minutes to complete the race. As the judge hands her the wooden spoon, she whispers: “I don’t want to be a bad loser or anything — but I’m sure those other girls used their arms.”
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WHAT'S the first thing Jordan does in the morning?
Introduces herself.
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WHAT does Jordan do when her bank account stops working?
She ditches him.
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A MAN goes to confession. “Father,” he says, “I’m happily married with three children. Last night, I made love to Jordan — not once, not twice but three times.
“She dressed up as a nurse, a traffic warden and a schoolgirl and fulfilled every sordid fantasy of mine.”
“I see,” says the priest. “And when did you last come to confession?”
“Come to confession? I’ve never come to confession before. I’m not Catholic.”
“Not Catholic?” retorts the priest. “Then why are you telling me this?”
“I’m telling everyone.” says the bloke.
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WHY does Jordan take the Pill?
So that she can keep track of what day of the week it is.
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JORDAN is sitting on a plane next to a nun. The air hostess offers the busty model a drink and she gratefully accepts a glass of champagne.
The air hostess turns to the nun and says: “Would you like a drink?”
“Certainly not,” replies the nun.
“I would rather be ravaged by a heathen than let alcohol pass my lips.”
Jordan hands her drink back to the air hostess and says: “Sorry, I didn’t realise there was a choice.”
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WHAT do Jordan and prawns have in common?
Their heads are full of crap — but the pink bits are nice.
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WHY does Jordan drive a convertible?
More leg room.
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WHY did Jordan spend so much time staring at her glass of orange juice?
It said “concentrate” on the carton.
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