"A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke"      by Joseph Lucas


All electrical components and wiring harnesses depend on proper circuit
functioning, which is the transmission of charged ions by retention of the
visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke." Smoke is the thing that
makes electrical circuits work.  Don't be fooled by scientists and engineers
talking about excited electrons and the like.  Smoke is the key to all
things electrical.


We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an
electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly
through empirical testing. For example, if one places a large copper bar
across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are
liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one
observes smoke escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage
regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer functions.


The logic is elementary and inescapable!  The function of the wiring harness
is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When the wiring harness
springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works right
afterward.


Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they regularly released large quantities of smoke from
the electrical system.


It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and
all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers,
hydraulic forks, and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air
and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.


Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once
again, the logic is clear and inescapable.


Sometimes you may miss the component releasing the smoke that makes your
electrical system function correctly, but if you sniff around you can often
find the faulty component by the undeniable and telltale smoke smell.
Sometimes this is a better indicator than standard electrical tests
performed with a volt-ohm meter.


In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in the
form of smoke provides a clear and logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components and why they fail.

I had a boss who loved to sneak stinking burntout electrical components into my office and deposit them in front of my desk where I couldn't see them.

He'd then go out shutting the door and wait outside timing how long I took to react.

lol, I put this in the back of my physics lab report book that I just finished making last night...

See if the prof gives me extra credit for it...