Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with
a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on
it. So I said Implants?" She hit me.
I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing
up fast.
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know
me here.
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many
of them get elected.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your
life.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's
wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where
it's been!"
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be
able to tell the difference.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called LABOR!
Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain
cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the
Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal
building?
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