Guide to Visiting Language Students
When you ride your hired bike, take special care to ignore the silly red lights. Entertain British motorists by swerving suddenly in front of them and see how many pedestrians you can hit in a fortnight. There are no such things as one way streets in Britain.

Never go out in groups of less than a dozen. Always walk several abreast - spill out onto the road if you can't all fit onto the pavement. Locals (especially old people and the disabled) walking the other way would be very offended if you ever let them past.

See how many bus journeys you can go on in a day. Crowd onto a bus and fill it up, and see the people who would have normally have caught that hourly bus to work wave at you joyfully, as it drives past them full. Never insult the driver with small change - nothing less than a twenty pound note will do. To improve your English, you should all climb on every bus you see, and each ask if it stops at your language school. If it doesn't, don't let the first one on tell the rest - that would spoil the fun!

Always go straight to the front at check-outs etc. Don't worry about the people standing in straight lines nearby; the British are a tidy race who like to arrange themselves neatly when passing the time of day with each other.

You must smoke, but never carry a lighter or matches. That way, you will be able to have delightful conversations with practically everybody you meet, asking for a light.

You must spend all your free time hanging around MacDonald's. Wear the rucksack provided by your language school with pride - you should never be seen without it in public. Above all, never talk quietly to your friend next to you when you could shout instead.