Simviation Forum - Random Lunacy Please

Reply #60 - Nov 19^th, 2003 at 2:25pm

Silent Exploder Ex Member

"now ,it's enough...."

*silent grabs his H&K MP-5 and leans out of the side window*

"okay,eat this!"

*fires some shots at the tires of katahu's eclipse*

"okay,he's out of the race...keep the pedal to the metal,ranger!"

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Reply #61 - Nov 19^th, 2003 at 8:48pm

Katahu Offline
Colonel

Gender:
Posts: 6920

"HOLY CR@P!!!"

*Katahu pulls over and stops at the parking lot that was next to him*

*He gets out of the car and finds a Kawasaki Ninja [motorcycle] that is parked.*

*He hot-wires it and he rides off*

*Katahu sees where Silent and his friend is headed*

*He finds a shortcut and cuts them off through there*.

*He now finds himself next to them. He takes his swiss army knife and throws it against the rear tire.*

*The tire pops*

*Katahu sees that he is about to hit a light post. He jumps off his motorcycle and lands on top of Ranger's roof.*

"WHOA!!!"

*Katahu then morphs into Agent Smith*

[Agent Smith impression] "I'll teach you two a lesson"

*He tears off the roof of Ranger's Porshe.*

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Reply #62 - Nov 19^th, 2003 at 9:05pm

Loafing Smurf Offline
Colonel
Push it!
Ottawa, Ontario (Canada)

Gender:
Posts: 1905

*Ranger pulls out an H&K USP and empties clip at Katahu*

*Katahu dodges all the bullets*

*ranger starts to swivel around the highway beacuse of tire*

*ranger hits the breaks and knocks Katahu in front of car and hits him*

That should slow him down.

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Reply #63 - Nov 20^th, 2003 at 1:08am

Wing Nut Offline
Colonel
Hoy-Hoy!

Gender:
Posts: 14173

Unda gleben gloufin globin... Grin

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Reply #64 - Nov 20^th, 2003 at 9:18am

Katahu Offline
Colonel

Gender:
Posts: 6920

*Ranger is then followed by several squad cars*

*The first squad car comes up. Ranger looks at the driver and sees the officer instantly transform into Katahu*

*Katahu takes out a Colt model and empties the clip on Ranger and Silent. He then rams the car onto the side of the Porshe*

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Reply #65 - Nov 20^th, 2003 at 12:32pm

Silent Exploder Ex Member

*after the wreck came to rest,silent and ranger climb out of it*

"awww sh**!"

"that was my 911......suck**!!"

*grabs his MP5 again and empties one clip at katahu*

*empties second clip*

* katahu is transforming back into policeman*

"and what shall i tell the insurance?"

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Reply #66 - Nov 20^th, 2003 at 3:12pm

Katahu Offline
Colonel

Gender:
Posts: 6920

*After having to carry the boxes of beer and chocolate, Ranger and Silent manage to reach an alley and found a truck*

*They load the stuff*

*They turn around and they see Katahu walking up to them*

Katahu - "Mr. Ranger and Mr. Silent."

Ranger - "Katahu"

Katahu - "You know, I cannot believe that I was shot by your friend. After that, I wondered why I wasn't able to dodge all those bullets. Then I realised that I am no longer an Agent of this system. I am a new man."

Silent - [a bit of sarcasm] "Congradulations"

Katahu - "Thank you. Now that I am no longer part of this system, I found out that I am able to do many things."

*Another Katahu comes out*

"I am now a virus"

*Another one comes out*

"As a virus, I am able to copy myself........"

*And another*

"........as much as I desire"

Katahu continues - "Now that I have these abilities I am now able to take you guys easily"

*Katahu grabs Ranger and inserts his hand into Ranger's chest and attempts to clone himself again onto Ranger. However, Ranger manages to resist and pulls Katahu's hand out of him*

*A karate-fist-fight begins*

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Reply #67 - Nov 21^st, 2003 at 9:48am

Silent Exploder Ex Member

*while ranger and katahu fight for their lives, silent sits aside and eats some chocolate and drinks some beer*

"ran-ger,ran-ger,ran-ger!"

*looks at katahus clones who are staring angrily at him*

"errr....ka-ta-hu,ka-ta-hu,ka-ta-hu!"

"my fault,hehe..."

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Reply #68 - Nov 21^st, 2003 at 10:11am

Smoke2much Offline
Colonel
The Unrepentant Heretic
Sittingbourne, Kent,

Posts: 3879

This lunacy is far too structured! I specifically requested an element of randomness! Grin

Who switched the lights off? I can't see a thing....... Hold on, my eyes were closed. Oops, my bad...............&&

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Reply #69 - Nov 21^st, 2003 at 10:17am

Silent Exploder Ex Member

i this case i really recommend blowing something up...(thanks for the pic,orenda!)

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Reply #70 - Nov 21^st, 2003 at 11:53am

Katahu Offline
Colonel

Gender:
Posts: 6920

OK.

*katahu changes back to his normal self*

In that case, I have an idea.

Since it's going to christmas [after thanksgiving], I am thinking about waiting for Santa to land on my roof. Then while he's busy putting presents under my tree, I'll jack his sled and ride around with it. Wink

Go Dancer, go cancer, go donor and blitzen. On comic, on cupid, on downer and Nixon. Grin

LOL

Ripley's Believe or Not:

A top USAF base [forgot which base] used to get unexpected calls from little kids who ask if they know where Santa is. I guess the USAF had an issue when it comes to keeping certain phone numbers a secret. Wink

Then, certain people wanted to figure how Santa manages to do all these incredible this.

First they figured out how fast he has to travel in order to get to every house around the world in one night. They then found out how he uses the international time-line to help him do the job.

Then they came up with a theory on how Santa knows who's naughty and nice and what they want.

These people did this so that they could solve the common questions asked by the little kids who kept calling the base every year.

As to how the kids got the number, I guess there were probably some people who used to work their and then probably made up a story about the number. I don't know, I forgot. Grin

Do you believe in Santa?

I DO!!!!

Ok Santa, I want a PS2, a GameCube, Call of Duty, Medal of Honor: Rising Sun, an CD player of the highest quality, and a Tippmann 98 Custom [paintball gun]. Grin

LOL

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Reply #71 - Nov 21^st, 2003 at 2:55pm

Wing Nut Offline
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Hoy-Hoy!

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Posts: 14173

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

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Reply #72 - Nov 21^st, 2003 at 5:18pm

Loafing Smurf Offline
Colonel
Push it!
Ottawa, Ontario (Canada)

Gender:
Posts: 1905

Magna Carta

By: King John
Date: June 15, 1215 (It was made before my birthday!)

John, by the grace of God, king of England, lord of Ireland, duke of Normandy and Aquitaine, and count of Anjou, to the archbishop, bishops, abbots, earls, barons, justiciaries, foresters, sheriffs, stewards, servants, and to all his bailiffs and liege subjects, greetings. Know that, having regard to God and for the salvation of our soul, and those of all our ancestors and heirs, and unto the honor of God and the advancement of his holy Church and for the rectifying of our realm, we have granted as underwritten by advice of our venerable fathers, Stephen, archbishop of Canterbury, primate of all England and cardinal of the holy Roman Church, Henry, archbishop of Dublin, William of London, Peter of Winchester, Jocelyn of Bath and Glastonbury, Hugh of Lincoln, Walter of Worcester, William of Coventry, Benedict of Rochester, bishops; of Master Pandulf, subdeacon and member of the household of our lord the Pope, of brother Aymeric (master of the Knights of the Temple in England), and of the illustrious men William Marshal, earl of Pembroke, William, earl of Salisbury, William, earl of Warenne, William, earl of Arundel, Alan of Galloway (constable of Scotland), Waren Fitz Gerold, Peter Fitz Herbert, Hubert De Burgh (seneschal of Poitou), Hugh de Neville, Matthew Fitz Herbert, Thomas Basset, Alan Basset, Philip d'Aubigny, Robert of Roppesley, John Marshal, John Fitz Hugh, and others, our liegemen.
1. In the first place we have granted to God, and by this our present charter confirmed for us and our heirs forever that the English Church shall be free, and shall have her rights entire, and her liberties inviolate; and we will that it be thus observed; which is apparent from this that the freedom of elections, which is reckoned most important and very essential to the English Church, we, of our pure and unconstrained will, did grant, and did by our charter confirm and did obtain the ratification of the same from our lord, Pope Innocent III, before the quarrel arose between us and our barons: and this we will observe, and our will is that it be observed in good faith by our heirs forever. We have also granted to all freemen of our kingdom, for us and our heirs forever, all the underwritten liberties, to be had and held by them and their heirs, of us and our heirs forever.

2. If any of our earls or barons, or others holding of us in chief by military service shall have died, and at the time of his death his heir shall be full of age and owe "relief", he shall have his inheritance by the old relief, to wit, the heir or heirs of an earl, for the whole baroncy of an earl by L100; the heir or heirs of a baron, L100 for a whole barony; the heir or heirs of a knight, 100s, at most, and whoever owes less let him give less, according to the ancient custom of fees.

3. If, however, the heir of any one of the aforesaid has been under age and in wardship, let him have his inheritance without relief and without fine when he comes of age.

4. The guardian of the land of an heir who is thus under age, shall take from the land of the heir nothing but reasonable produce, reasonable customs, and reasonable services, and that without destruction or waste of men or goods; and if we have committed the wardship of the lands of any such minor to the sheriff, or to any other who is responsible to us for its issues, and he has made destruction or waster of what he holds in wardship, we will take of him amends, and the land shall be committed to two lawful and discreet men of that fee, who shall be responsible for the issues to us or to him to whom we shall assign them; and if we have given or sold the wardship of any such land to anyone and he has therein made destruction or waste, he shall lose that wardship, and it shall be transferred to two lawful and discreet men of that fief, who shall be responsible to us in like manner as aforesaid.

5. The guardian, moreover, so long as he has the wardship of the land, shall keep up the houses, parks, fishponds, stanks, mills, and other things pertaining to the land, out of the issues of the same land; and he shall restore to the heir, when he has come to full age, all his land, stocked with ploughs and wainage, according as the season of husbandry shall require, and the issues of the land can reasonable bear.

6. Heirs shall be married without disparagement, yet so that before the marriage takes place the nearest in blood to that heir shall have notice.

7. A widow, after the death of her husband, shall forthwith and without difficulty have her marriage portion and inheritance; nor shall she give anything for her dower, or for her marriage portion, or for the inheritance which her husband and she held on the day of the death of that husband; and she may remain in the house of her husband for forty days after his death, within which time her dower shall be assigned to her.

8. No widow shall be compelled to marry, so long as she prefers to live without a husband; provided always that she gives security not to marry without our consent, if she holds of us, or without the consent of the lord of whom she holds, if she holds of another.

9. Neither we nor our bailiffs will seize any land or rent for any debt, as long as the chattels of the debtor are sufficient to repay the debt; nor shall the sureties of the debtor be distrained so long as the principal debtor is able to satisfy the debt; and if the principal debtor shall fail to pay the debt, having nothing wherewith to pay it, then the sureties shall answer for the debt; and let them have the lands and rents of the debtor, if they desire them, until they are indemnified for the debt which they have paid for him, unless the principal debtor can show proof that he is discharged thereof as against the said sureties.

10. If one who has borrowed from the Jews any sum, great or small, die before that loan be repaid, the debt shall not bear interest while the heir is under age, of whomsoever he may hold; and if the debt fall into our hands, we will not take anything except the principal sum contained in the bond.

11. And if anyone die indebted to the Jews, his wife shall have her dower and pay nothing of that debt; and if any children of the deceased are left under age, necessaries shall be provided for them in keeping with the holding of the deceased; and out of the residue the debt shall be paid, reserving, however, service due to feudal lords; in like manner let it be done touching debts due to others than Jews.

12. No scutage not aid shall be imposed on our kingdom, unless by common counsel of our kingdom, except for ransoming our person, for making our eldest son a knight, and for once marrying our eldest daughter; and for these there shall not be levied more than a reasonable aid. In like manner it shall be done concerning aids from the city of London.

13. And the city of London shall have all it ancient liberties and free customs, as well by land as by water; furthermore, we decree and grant that all other cities, boroughs, towns, and ports shall have all their liberties and free customs.

14. And for obtaining the common counsel of the kingdom anent the assessing of an aid (except in the three cases aforesaid) or of a scutage, we will cause to be summoned the archbishops, bishops, abbots, earls, and greater barons, severally by our letters; and we will moveover cause to be summoned generally, through our sheriffs and bailiffs, and others who hold of us in chief, for a fixed date, namely, after the expiry of at least forty days, and at a fixed place; and in all letters of such summons we will specify the reason of the summons. And when the summons has thus been made, the business shall proceed on the day appointed, according to the counsel of such as are present, although not all who were summoned have come.

15. We will not for the future grant to anyone license to take an aid from his own free tenants, except to ransom his person, to make his eldest son a knight, and once to marry his eldest daughter; and on each of these occasions there shall be levied only a reasonable aid.

16. No one shall be distrained for performance of greater service for a knight's fee, or for any other free tenement, than is due therefrom.

17. Common pleas shall not follow our court, but shall be held in some fixed place.

18. Inquests of novel disseisin, of mort d'ancestor, and of darrein presentment shall not be held elsewhere than in their own county courts, and that in manner following; We, or, if we should be out of the realm, our chief justiciar, will send two justiciaries through every county four times a year, who shall alone with four knights of the county chosen by the county, hold the said assizes in the county court, on the day and in the place of meeting of that court.

19. And if any of the said assizes cannot be taken on the day of the county court, let there remain of the knights and freeholders, who were present at the county court on that day, as many as may be required for the efficient making of judgments, according as the business be more or less.

20. A freeman shall not be amerced for a slight offense, except in accordance with the degree of the offense; and for a grave offense he shall be amerced in accordance with the gravity of the offense, yet saving always his "contentment"; and a merchant in the same way, saving his "merchandise"; and a villein shall be amerced in the same way, saving his "wainage" if they have fallen into our mercy: and none of the aforesaid amercements shall be imposed except by the oath of honest men of the neighborhood.

21. Earls and barons shall not be amerced except through their peers, and only in accordance with the degree of the offense.

22. A clerk shall not be amerced in respect of his lay holding except after the manner of the others aforesaid; further, he shall not be amerced in accordance with the extent of his ecclesiastical benefice.

23. No village or individual shall be compelled to make bridges at river banks, except those who from of old were legally bound to do so.

24. No sheriff, constable, coroners, or others of our bailiffs, shall hold pleas of our Crown.

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Reply #73 - Nov 21^st, 2003 at 5:22pm