When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvment, then there must have been something wrong with it
before.

People who are willing to get off their ass to search the room
for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and
change the channel manually.

The Norwich Life commercial where the old fart answers the
phone, says hello and then immediately tells his wife "It's
Patrick! He bought life insurance!" Excuse me? How did Patrick
find the time to tell you this? You barely breathed between
"Hello and it's Patrick." And why the hell do you have big
sheets of bristol board and thick markers by the phone? Do you
people play Pictionary over the phone often?

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it
too". F... off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What,
should I eat someone else's cake instead?

When people say "It's always in the last place you look." Of
course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
Do people do this? Who and where are they?

When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No
idiot, I paid $9.50 to come to the theatre and stare at that
thing over there. What did you come here for?

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me
a choice, did ya there buddy?

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I
know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I
point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

Very amusing.

Oh about the remote. I have to use it cos I forgot long ago how to change channels manually. If the batteries go I'm fixed. I have about 10 remotes for various TV sets & other boxes of electronic wizardry - every darned one is different. I often forget how to use them too.

Oh, and BTW, It really ticks me off that everything in home electronics nowadays comes with a 'universal' remote so you can program all your other crap with it.  This is supposed to save you having 6 remotes floating around.  Unfortunately, every piece has it's own individual functions that no other has, so you just end up with six universal remotes anyway! 

I will normally have my cake, eat it, have your cake, eat it, and have everyone's cakes, and eat them.

Sock

  OOOOOOOH lol


Cheers....Happy Landings....Doug

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Will too. I'm not so easily deterred & have a skin like a rhino. Besides, tis one of my favourite sayings.

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One well-known pet food manufacturer actually uses human tasters. I don't have a dog or a cat & not being inclined to try dog/cat food myself I have no idea which one.

Come to think of it this might have been Pedigree Chum. I don't know if you have it in the US or if the company still sells it.

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Dude, stop it your killing me!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to check the popcorn and I'll be damned!!! It doesn't taste good either!

Looking at my package of "Movie Theater Butter" popcorn, it list :
2 Tbsp unpopped
1 Cup popped

I guess that would be because all you could handle is 2 Tbsp unpopped before the pain got to you
Interesting 2 Tbsp unpopped has 170 calories
While 1cup has only 35 calories, OH! that is because 2 Tbsp makes 3.5 Cups when popped!!
Oh well, enough of the diet lesson:)
Hey do you know why farts stink? 

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The packaging list nutritional value for 2 Tbsp unpopped, and then a second nutritional value for 1 Cup popped

2 Tbsp makes 3.5 Cups when you pop it
Kind of funny but I don't eat popcorn. I don't know why I have some?
Maybe in my mind I'm thinking I might actually have a date someday and she might like pop corn? 
Wishfull thinking ???

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You take 2 Tbsp of un-popped pop corn, then cook it.
After cooking it will equal 3.5 cups.
I won't go into detail of what amount you get if all the kernals refuse to pop

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Aha. Thanks for enlightening me, although that was not really necessary. All is now as clear as the proverbial mud. 8)

If the packet is anything to go by that product is well past its best. I suggest dumping it forthwith if not sooner.

??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???

Call me thick, but what the bloody hell are you lot talking about???????? ??? ???

Tony

Ok, THICK

TOPIC: Things that bother me

Things that bother me.
1) People who can't stick with the original topic!!!

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Your feeble threats will do no good!
I know who he is now!!

When people say "I'm not racist but. . ." and then they say something racist. 

Retail establishments displaying stuff on thin metal sticks hanging at toddler eye level.

Turning on a bedside light without warning, thus ensuring a victim's pupils are fully dialated. . . Gah. . .

Referring to any agency of national government as 'the feds.' 

Finding a TV remote in the car or anywhere else where it couldn't possibly be used.

TV shows or ads with doorbells, ringing phones, or alarm clocks.   

Giving or getting lethal tools or weapons as gifts, especially for weddings, anniversaries.

People that don't believe a word I say. Like, your under arrest.

Lights that turn red just as your far enough away you'd have to stop, but your the only car for a long ways.

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LOL I know the problem. I do have a doorbell & one of the TV ads has one that sounds just like it. When I used to watch TV I was continually getting up to answer the door to find nobody there. ??? I figured it out in the end. 8) Should have known better as I don't have too many visitors. Most people seem to avoid me for some reason.

One of my pet hates is someone ringing my doorbell trying to sell me something I don't want, usually at the most inopportune moment. The poor fools obviously don't know what they've let themselves in for. I'm a past master in the art of confusion & they are easy meat. I have even been known to sell them something. LOL

When you're a cop, you stop a drunk driver and they insist, "I only had two beers, occifer!"  Yes, but were they in two 55 gallon drums?

Every suspect, even if you found them standing over a corpse holding a smoking gun, will insist, "I din' do nothin'!"

Stopping a speeder who indignantly informs you, "My taxes pay your salary."

Here's one along the same lines as the doorbell on TV:

When you're driving and the radio plays an ad with the sound of a car horn, siren. or car crash.