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When Eve Met Adam
by Kay Masters
Adam woke up as he did every morning, covered in light dew where he lay in the soft, luxurious grass. He got up and looked about the Garden of Eden, remembering with a grin the previous night, when God had taken the stage. "I see we've got a human in the crowd tonight," said God, up to his weekly comedy routine. "Maybe I should speak slower." The crowd of creatures present broke out laughing. "But seriously, I love this guy," God went on. "I made him in my own image, you know. When I told my therapist that, he booked me for another year to work on my self loathing." Another fit of laughter.
"Some ask where I got the name Adam for him. See, I pulled him out of the earth and I just thought to myself, 'ah, damn' and it stuck." Laughter again. Adam joined in. He was a good sport, always could take a ribbing from God.
And now that he lay on the grass on the morning after, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, it still felt like his sides were splitting. He put an experimental hand to his rib cage. Something was missing... "Hello!" came a new voice, a high and cheery one that Adam had never heard before.
"You must be Adam. God said we should hook up. My name is Eve." A new figure stepped out of the foliage and Adam, as he had done with everything else, named her for the first thing that came out of his mouth when he saw her. "Whoa, man!" he said, standing up to greet her.
Eve the whoaman was instantly Adam's new favorite of all of God's creations, punting the kangaroo to a distant second place. She came forward to shake his hand, her hair long and beautiful, her smile warm and friendly, clad in nothing but her created-day suit, and her entire being apparently made from soft curves. "I was made out of one of your ribs," explained Eve.
"Wow," said Adam. "I must have excellent ribs."
Eve shrugged. "So anyhow, why don't you show me around here?" "Sure thing!" said Adam. "Follow me. That over there is the Fig Tree. It looks like it's starting to put out the fall fashions. I guess brown is in again this year. Oh, and that over there is the Apple Tree. You're not supposed to eat from that one." "Why not?" said Eve.
"I am not sure. God said that Apples do nothing but cause problems. Just don't eat from it."
"Okay. Hey, what's that over there?" And thus, Eve pointed randomly off to the side in what was thereafter known as the oldest trick in the book. Adam turned to look and Eve grabbed an Apple off the tree and took a big bite.
"I don't see anything," said Adam. "What are you... hey, you're not supposed to eat that!" "But it's good! Besides, while we are not burdened by doctors yet, we might as well eat one a day to keep them away."
"Gotcha," said Adam, taking an Apple of his own.
"By the way," said Eve. "Which came first? The chicken, or the egg? I've got a bet going with a goat."
"The chicken did," said Adam. "God learned his lesson when he put down all those dinosaur eggs while I was a-rarin' for breakfast."
"Ah-ha," said Eve and took another bite of the apple.
"Hey, what are you doing?" said God, suddenly appearing behind them. "Well, I'll be damning. I can't leave you kids alone for one minute, can I?"
"Obviously not," said Eve.
"Well, this'll call for a little punishment. Get out of the garden, both of you. From now on you'll have to suffer the toils and pains of manual labor, child birth, bad weather, taxes, mainstream media, and politicians."
"Oh, well," said Adam, putting an arm around Eve. "So long as we have each other."
"And I'm tweaking the dress code," said God. "From now on, it's clothes covering both of you at all times."
Adam has not forgiven that one yet.
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