If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died . . . "

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work
if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could
know you from.

Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that
telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your
dinner conversation.

Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Talk really fast.

Make up your own language. Speak it.

Make up a one word language. Speak it.

Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.

Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?" If they say "Yes" say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. If they say "No" say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only."

Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.

Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.

Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.

Communicate only through Morse code.

Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.

Try to sell the telemarketer something. Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.

Make him/her sing to get a sale. If a male sings, claim that he sounds like Britney Spears. If a female sings, claim that she sounds like Barry White.

Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."

Say nothing until he/she hangs up.

Say, "Yes" to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.

Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.

Ask for a date.

Claim to be the mafia.

Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."

Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"

Act drunk.

Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.

Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.

When they say hello say: ohh no...daddy put down that gun. daddy, i said PUT DOWN that gun!

Where the hell do you come up with these crazy ideas. LOL. Man, you're so funny. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Word has just spread, the Do-Not-Call list is in effect as of today. Those damn tele-scumbags will soon be going through some real hell as their business tumbles.  8)

My crazy ideas:

1. When a telemarketer calls you, say that you Fidel Castro and that you are accusing them for prank-calling you as Chavez. LOL

2. Pretend that you are a recruiter from the U.S. Marines. Tell them that they are now enlisted for the Marines, and that they are scheduled to go to boot camp tomorrow. LMFAO. This will scare 'em.

3. Pretend that you are Morpheous or Niobe and tell them that the Matrix has them all. Then instruct them to do all these crazy things (like climbing out the window). Hehe.

4. Put on a movie full of violence (like BlackHawk Down) and then pump up the volume. When a telemarketer calls, talk like you're in the middle of a war in Mogadishu. And they don't believe you, put the phone close to the TV and you'll hear them get hyped up. LOL

5. Tell them that you have just graduated from anger management therapy and that you don't want them to piss you off. hehe

Brad, those are utterly priceless.  Thanks mate!

Will