The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over "Ebonics," has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI: noun -- Greeting.
HIRE YEW: complete sentence -- Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."


BARD verb -- Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."


JAWJUH noun -- A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."


MUNTS noun -- A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."


IGNERT adjective -- Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"


RANCH noun -- A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."


ALL noun -- A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."


FAR noun -- A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."


BAHS noun -- A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"


TAR noun -- A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."


TIRE noun -- A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."


RETARD verb -- To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."


TARRED adverb --- Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."


FAT noun, verb. -- 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat.
ARE pronoun -- Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.
RATS noun -- Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."


FARN adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."


DID adjective -- Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."


EAR noun -- A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"


BOB WAR noun -- A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."


JEW HERE Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"


HAZE a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."


SEED verb, past tense.
VIEW contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"


HEAVY DEW phrase. A request for action.
Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"


GUMMIT noun -- A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."