Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few stories of people who did and
do....

1) How much for...
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't
say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

2) I think I like...
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking,
I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

3) Nuts about You...
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind
the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister
has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

4) I saw Mommy kissing...
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening,"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence
was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the
door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia

5) What kind do you want?
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the
store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT
THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov

6) For the last time..
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Ozzy
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Ozzy,
are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just
KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting
worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Ozzy, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

7) About last night...
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
laughing so hard!

LMFAO!!!! Push in with your thumb!!!  8 inches!!!!

Sock

I liked number 4 best

BTW....I saw an absolutely hilarious open mouth insert foot in Florida back in the late 70's. I was at a local Sears store visiting a neighbor that worked in the sporting goods department. As we chatted a very nice looking blonde in a bikini and t-shirt can bee-bopping up to the counter. He excused himself to assist the girl. I was only a few feet away. Well, he asked her what he could help her with. She replied, "My boyfriend needs a jock." He asked her what size he was. Her reply was, "Hmmm, about 9 inches I think." Neil exerted super human control as he looked at her and said, "No, I mean his waist size." She turned a fiery shape of red, which off set her blonde hair quite nicely. After she left, poor Neil and I went through total melt down. He was literally laying in the floor laughing his ass off! Luckily, I was able to hang onto the counter to keep from falling down laughing.