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Pilot Gripes (Read 415 times)

Jul 31^st, 2003 at 11:34am

goball65 Offline
Colonel
Kitchener Ontario Canada

Gender:
Posts: 103

` Pilot Gripes
After every flight, airline pilots fill out a form related to problems during that flight.
Airline mechanics then read the form, correct the problem, and respond in writing on the lower half of the form.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual forms, courtesy of Qantas Airlines (the only major airline that has never had an accident).
(P = The Problem logged by the Pilot.)
(S = The Solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Sorry. Live bugs are on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something    with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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Reply #1 - Jul 31^st, 2003 at 4:20pm

Woodlouse2002 Offline
Colonel
I like jam.
Cornwall, England

Gender:
Posts: 12574

Ahh. I've seen this one before! Many many times infact! Tongue

Still brings a smile to my face though.

Woodlouse2002 PITA and BAR!!!!!!!!&&&&Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons, being assembled, immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations, or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the Act made in the first year of King George the First for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies. God Save the King.&&&&Viva la revolution!

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Reply #2 - Aug 3^rd, 2003 at 1:39am

Polynomial Offline
Colonel
Health is merely the slowest
possible way to die.
Brisbane, Australia

Gender:
Posts: 1951

how old i think it has been posted here before like 1 or 500 times.

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Reply #3 - Aug 6^th, 2003 at 3:26am

BFMF Offline
Colonel
Pacific Northwest

Gender:
Posts: 19820

been posted more times then I can count Roll Eyes

COMPLETED: If Anyone Cares, Here's A Map Of My Current FSX Flight Around The World

My Reality Check Bounced

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Reply #4 - Aug 6^th, 2003 at 8:18pm

Scottler Offline
Colonel
Albany, New York USA

Gender:
Posts: 5989

Yeah, most people have seen this in their Inbox at least once or twice, but it's still funny.

Great edit, Bob.&&&&&&Google it. &&&&www.google.com

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Reply #5 - Aug 6^th, 2003 at 8:19pm

chomp_rock Offline
Colonel
I must confess, I was
born at a very early
age.

Gender:
Posts: 2718

SHUT UP! I don't care how many times this has been posted it is still funny Grin

AMD Athlon 64 3700+&&GeForce FX5200 256Mb&&1GB DDR400 DC&&Seagate 500Gb SATA-300 HDD&&Windows XP Professional X64 Edition&&&&That's right, I'm now using an AMD! I decided to give them another try and they kicked the pants off of my P4 3.4!

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Reply #6 - Aug 6^th, 2003 at 8:19pm