Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Practice safe snacks - always use condiments.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but
mean your mother.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that
mean that morality comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

---

In high school, I once dated two girls at the same time. Their names
were Edith and Kate. Eventually, I got caught -- which goes to prove
that you can't have your Kate and Edith too.