alow me to update your vocabulary on alternate meaning for various words, a yearly contest run by the Washington Post. Following are some recent winning entries:

1. Coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.