Haven't been in this community long so do not know what ya'll have or have not heard. But here is one of my favorites.



Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is John Jo and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled "Fuckin' jerk!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, 'F---in' jerk!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Yo. This is Telly with the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a F---in' jerk!"
And the reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 722-4822.
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black camaro come flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, A--hole.. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, this guy's a f---in' jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in this world.
I noticed he had a For Sale sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 722-4822 and yelling, "F---in' jerk!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial). I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "You the dude with the black camaro for sale?"
"Yes I am."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?""Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name dude?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes." "Don, you're a f---in' jerk!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jerks to call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on them, the whole thing started to seem like an obligation. It just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "F---in' jerk!" But I didn't hang up.
The jerk said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah.."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your f---in' name, pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
"Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black camaro's parked out front."
"I'm coming over right now, A--hole! You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, F---in' jerk!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jerk #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello? F---in' jerk!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your f---in ASS!"
"Oh yeah? You just wait right there. I'm coming over right now, jerk!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from Jerk #2's house. There were two guys fighting out front. Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men to the ground and took them away.
A couple of months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of two guys charged with disorderly conduct. As luck would have it, it happened to be the same two guys. I might have influenced the jury, because when they announced the verdict, they said, "We the jury find the defendants to be guilty, and a couple of f---in' jerks!"

Funny stuff and a clever guy.

lol

lol 

Now if I would of read this before it was funny, and when I mean before I mean before that the great author himself, Oso, told me in my "Israel Aircraft Industries" that for him I'm just like this jerk, just because he read old (six months ago) posts of me, that there I'm asking peoples over and over agian, without knowing how hard it is to design in Gmax or FSDS, to design the Lavi. And also slamming the USA (because I said that te project was cancelled mainly because of tham) so he called me rude, and that people like me making him wondring why is the US giving us aid and what's making me really angry about it is because a connected my so called rudeness to me being Israeli. Do you think that's ok? I think he just don't know me enough and with that chance I'd like to ask him to get to know me and only than judge me.

Erez - You have had your say and I have had mine. Anything further would just be a useless pissin contest. Let it lie.

I bear no grudges.

In any language there is several different meanings to the same words. The words you used were correct and truthfull. I do not mind the truth even if it is against me or my country. Truth is truth and should always be spoken.

It is just that you repeated it in so many posts that it wore thin. Too much repetition then makes it seem like you have a axe to grind. And that you were trying to put down America for it.

This is an international community. You couldn't say anything about any country without someone here from that respective country reading it. So most here refrain.

Have you noticed that there are tons of French Jokes about the US going around and even more US jokes about the French right now. But none are posted here?

Especially now with the Iraq thing going on, tensions are running high. There are several times I have wanted to say something in other threads but did not. I realize that this a community of Internationals getting together for one goal - Flight. No Governments in here.
I have traveled enough in my life to have learned that if you do not like a Govenment you still might like the people. They are two different things.

Government is designed to represent the people, but it rarely does.