A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of  the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly, he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" So he pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding -- a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused, then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper... I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell… but I got the plate number!"

A man in South Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, so curious that he turned around and went back.  He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flahres in the front and flahres in the back. I never did understand it, neither."

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65, asking the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, " ‘Bout whut?"

The Sheriff pulled up next to the fellow unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?  Don't you see that sign right over your head!"
"That 'Fine For Dumping Garbage' sign?" he replied. "Yep, I think it's a fine place, too, so I'm dumpin' it here."

Strange, though… no matter whut y'all say 'bout the South, y'all heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.