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Old Age (Read 633 times)
Jan 9th, 2013 at 11:03am

shadowcaster   Offline
Colonel
I Like Flight Simulation!
Cornwall UK

Gender: male
Posts: 25
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A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won't float!

Age before beauty is what we once said,

But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back
C's the chest pains , perhaps cardiac
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure-I'd rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a
few, Just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two .
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.



I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,

And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!










Yesterday I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Sassy, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, No, I don't have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, that I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

PetSmart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say!

 

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Confucius Chinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC)
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Reply #1 - Jan 11th, 2013 at 1:40am

H   Offline
Colonel
2003: the year NH couldn't
save face...
NH, USA

Gender: male
Posts: 6837
*****
 
Quote:
H is high blood pressure-I'd rather it low.

Thank you for the reminder but it's not consistently true.
I wound up at the VA hospital last month: nosebleeds from one nostril that wouldn't quit; the first took over ½-hour to stop, one of the last over an hour. Squeezing my nose in an attempt to stop it caused large amounts of blood to be gushed from the other nostril, swallowed or spit out. However, by the time the doctor measured my blood pressure it was quite low (perhaps because I didn't have that much left to pump).
Actually, we realized that the bleeding started when I'd get up; when I was young and into my teens, I'd get up, put on my pants and go out my bedroom door to go downstairs to the loo; I suddenly had to stop as my eyesight blackened, I dizzied and I could smell my blood catching up to the risen me. My eyesight isn't blacking out but the rest of the criteria seems to have returned; evidently, for a portion of a minute or so, my blood pressure rockets.



Cool
 
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